I never thought I’d ever be single again. I’ve planned for it theoretically like any other rational person would. I’ve talked about it but I never thought it would actually happen again. I have not been single that much in my life since I was ready for these kinds of relationships which when I think about it, it’s kinda weird. I mean, who in their right mind would want somebody like me? Well, a few at least… Most of the time, the next boyfriend is right around the corner, because it’s somebody I already know, but this time it’s different. This time, I will stay single for as long as possible for multiple reasons. The next man in my life will be my first Great Dane, if everything stays according to plan, so that should tell you how uninterested I am in finding somebody else. And how small of a chance there is for somebody to love me back. Hey, I’m just being realistic here! Now I have the right to be picky as hell!
Me and the now “Ex” spent 10 years, 9 months and 22 days together as a couple. We lived together for over 9 years as well. We met in junior high online on a web chat service during the fall of 1997 and we spent about 9 months or so in a long distance relationship. Then we lost touch and I found him again after about 7 years of on and off looking for him online. About two years after I found him, we became a couple and basically all I’ve ever wanted in a man I found with him. That was mind blowing. The only reason why we’re not together anymore is due to we’ve grown apart. We don’t want the same thing any longer. I want to become vegan, and I’m getting closer everyday. I’ve eaten vegan constantly for about 12 days, which is amazing and I’d like to keep minimizing my intake of animal based foods like this. My current ex never wants to be vegan. He has changed his mind about getting a dog, and especially a Great Dane, and we ran out of conversation topics ages ago. We don’t spend that much time together even at home. A few hours a day watching a movie and having dinner, then I spend the rest of the night watching videos on YouTube about Apple products or some other crap. He continues working and watches other stuff in bed. It’s no fun in that aspect any longer and we’ve both felt that this is gonna happen for like a year now.
We are still friends, and we’re probably gonna end up best friends. I can’t imagine life without him. Before I thought I could never live without him as my boyfriend and domestic partner, but after the breakup I’ve realized I need him, but I also need to live my life the way I want to, and the same thing goes for him. Just simply loving each other is not enough. I still love him and will never stop loving him, but he does not have to be my boyfriend any longer but I hope I’ll have him in my life until the day I die. Either way it will take a while before I stop seeing him as only mine anyway and for now that’s fine. I don’t want anybody else to be honest. More about that later in this post.
I’ve managed to find a new place in only 4 days or so and I’ll move out in the middle of december 2019. I can’t wait! The new place is tiny, really frickin’ tiny, but it’s enough for me and it’s completely new as well, so I’ll get all the stuff I need. The only downside with the place is the 30 square meters of space instead of like the double. But it’s fine. Now I’ll save my money and then save some more. When I get employed I’ll save even more and I’ll keep doing that until I feel I have enough to buy me a house or something awesomely fantastic.
Considering I’m like glued to my couch and desperate for a Great Dane, I do have plans to make sure that my boy will be able to live with me in that tiny apartment. Since he’ll be a puppy and learn to be still and quiet indoors in the beginning, I’ll teach him to be super calm. Great Danes are like that by default anyways, I’ll just reinforce it… He’ll also be able to cuddle with me in bed and lie beside me if I can fit a couch in that place. It will be awesome indeed if it will happen. I’ll make room for him if he can’t fit so… I must know that it will work, because I’m so tired of moving. I’ve moved too many times in my life, but this move is also different.
For the first time since I moved away from home in 2001, I know that I’m planning to live on my own. Probably for the rest of my life, but if not – I’ll live alone for as long as possible. Even if I’d found somebody willing to love me and my quirks and my pet babies, I’d most likely not move in with someone. Nope. Now I’ll live by myself. Even if I’d get a house I’d live there alone. At least that’s how I see the future. For now that is more than fine. If not, the guy I will live with next in human form will be as amazing as my current ex. Nothing else would do. I refuse to settle with whomever I can find. I am not desperate for a new boyfriend. I only want my ex to be honest or the closest personality to him. Ten+ years of awesomeness has taught me that. That’s the truth and I know that finding somebody like him is like slim to none. I can make a list so you’ll know what I’m (in that case) looking for:
- He has to be male. I’m not bisexual or lesbian. Sorry. Has to be a dude with a real fully functional dick. Preferably not too small either in size. Normal is good. Fully functional is best.
- Preferably be a computer geek/nerd/know a lot about computers/technology and super cool if he works as a software developer or something like that.
- Has to be introvert, or just loves to stay home, watch movies and has no problem staying in his jammies until 3pm on a Saturday on his spare time, glued to the couch like me. Also sleeping until noon is also totally fine. Imagine that 8+ hours of #NetflixAndChill is like the norm whenever possible. Also he should enjoy parties, dinners with friends and not be afraid of talking to people, but never require to always do something outgoing. Nope, I want an introvert in that case!
- Has to love animals, preferably big dogs and not be allergic to any kind of pet. Great plus if he already owns a Great Dane, Irish Wolfhound, St. Bernhard etc or if his family has one. Or a pug! I love pugs! Of course he has to love cats as well! Huge plus if he prefers big cats.
- He has to be an Apple geek or use and prefer Apple products before windows and android. Or at least not bash Apple products just because it’s Apple.
- Preferably vegan or vegetarian. If he’s a meat eater, he’s got to be open to becoming vegan in the future and eat vegan foods with me from day one.
- Preferably younger than me, aka born later than 1982. Not a huge deal, but still. Somewhat important.
- He has to accept to help me with various tasks, like explaining stuff when I can’t think properly, giving me massages when my fibromyalgia pains are through the roof and generally be kind and nice. Having lots of humor is of course a plus!
- He must be a non-smoker, be anti-drugs and preferably free from illnesses like diabetes and obesity, but that doesn’t generally mean to be a health nut. Also not drink too much alcohol. A little is fine, like a glass of wine or a beer once a week, but not spending every weekend getting pissed out drunk and/or have a drinking problem.
- Also, he has to be a non criminal with a non criminal past and no issues with gambling or spending money the wrong way. It means be thoughtful with his and my money. Buying stuff he wants is of course fine if he can afford it – aka if it can be bought without taking a loan, without a payment plan or without having to choose between putting food on the table or getting a new iPhone. If you’ve read my posts before you know how I think about spending money on stuff you need and that you don’t need. There’s a difference! If he can afford to buy a new iPhone every month and pay all the bills + be able to save a significant amount of money into a bank account – please do so, I don’t care, but please do not end up in debt because of it!
- He must speak the southern Swedish accent, “Skånska”. That does not mean he has to be from Sweden. Just speak the accent. At least for as long as I personally live here myself. I might move to the U.S someday or something. I just love that accent, so that’s why. I’m weird like that.
- Preferably have a family that judges nobody and accepts people that are different.
- Oh, and finally – HE MUST NOT WANT TO HAVE KIDS. LIKE EVER. CHILD FREE AND PASSIONATE ABOUT NOT HAVING KIDS. FOUR-LEGGED FURRY PAWED PETS ARE THE KIDS HERE…
Well, that’s my little list. Not many people on that list I guess that would qualify for a boyfriend or potential husband. And that’s totally fine. However, for future, temporary sexual relations I don’t really care except for the being a dude part with a dick. The list is for finding the next love of my life. It’s a hard task so that’s why I will not look for that guy in like 5+ years at least or something like that. I won’t find him, or so close to perfection anyway, so good luck to me and thanks a bunch to you if you’re the one to love me back as well when I’m ready for you.
Looks are not important either but I have to admit that I like two kinds of people. Either guys who looks like a younger version of Richard Gere(or similar) or guys who look generally weird. I like oddballs. The guy who’s a little fat, or the guy from high school that everybody generally ignored because he’s so weird etc. I seem to have like a radar for finding those guy’s amazing personalities but I don’t know why. I just do. When you look closer you find some cool stuff and I love that! Let’s take Stranger Things for example. If I was in junior high and I went to the school with those boys, I’d probably have a huge crush on Dustin…
What about Ed Sheeran then? Well, I’ve never really cared about him earlier. I’ve heard some of his songs of course and I have some of them on my playlists on Spotify, but something has happened lately. I can’t really explain it but I can’t stop thinking about him. At least music wise, so I’ve started to listening to him more and the two latest hits of his have been a huge help for me this week since the breakup. Those songs are of course “Beautiful People” and “I don’t care“. I guess I find the lyrics soothing and I love music with a lot of bass. Ed is also considered to be an “oddball” in my case, because he looks nothing like those “good lookin’ guys”, but when you look closer, aka listens to his lyrics etc, you find something more powerful and beautiful and I guess that I need that right now.
Anyhow, I’m actually pretty frickin’ happy now, considering everything. The breakup was something I never thought was gonna happen, but it did and like in everything else in my life, I’ve come to the conclusion almost too fast, that I’m fine with it and I’m starting to move on. I can’t wait until I’m the new place! The next obsession of mine is finding new furniture and how to furnish the apartment, but I’m really looking forward to everything. Me and the ex will continue to be friends, have movie nights and help eachother out when we need it and I’m guessing and hoping that everything will be awesomesauce from now on.
Even if I’m single for the rest of my life.