So relieved, yet so bored…

I just had an amazing experience during a livestream from one of my current favourites on YouTube, Tailosive Tech. Otherwise known as Drew. With amazing, I might be overstating it a bit, but it was pretty cool. I finally was able to get some bits so I could donate a little and ensure that my comment or question is read and answered by him. It took a while before I could come up with a good one, but then somebody asked about stalkers so I figured I’d let him know a little bit of how I’m feeling in this whole thing.

With Drew and the whole Tailosive/Apple shebang I have felt that I’m his only loyal fan or something, even though I know I’m not the only one. I’m like (whenever I try to get in contact during a livestream or on Twitter):

“hey, it’s me from Sweden. Do you remember me? Do you know who I am? Of course not…”

Or something like that. Not really, though but it sure feels like that’s how I act way too often with him. I feel really stupid sometimes, but my stupid brain and I have started to figure out that as long as I’m respectful to him, everything should be fine. And I do my very best to make sure I don’t do anything stupid… That’s why I’m so happy that I got the answer I needed today so I can move on and focus on better things.

To be clear. I am not a stalker. I am not stalking him. And that makes me feel so relieved. If I’d ever be close to do something like that I don’t know what I would do with myself. He’s such an inspiration, but if I go back and think how the last year has been for me and how much he and his talk about Apple and other things have helped me, I have sometimes felt like a stalker. Or something like that, but I am sure that is not true and never has been.

I am pretty sure, however that he doesn’t believe how much he has helped me the past year. I mean, how could he know? Seeing him speak reminds me of what I can and want to become, especially online. I could be that great at having an opinion, because I am like that in person. Just not in front of a camera, and especially not with a manuscript. I have tried making videos without a script, but then it by default becomes even more boring and I don’t like that. The difference would be if I could have a podcast with invited quests or be a guest myself so I can show my true personality. It’s during those discussions I truly shine – at least as long as I can get my message through without stepping on people’s toes and not getting them upset.

As a blogger, showing my true self is easy, but on video? That’s a real struggle…

I am currently working on a YouTube video that I hope will be released before I start college in a few weeks. It has taken me weeks to do this video, but the reason for that is due to many things. Mainly because what Jon Prosser has started  to say in order to help smaller creators become better on YouTube.

It has made me evaluate everything I have done and what I’m about to do as a hopeful content creator. I don’t know and I certainly don’t expect to succeed, but with Jon’s help, I’m at least starting to improve, but if it will gather views – I am really not sure. I am doing this particular video as a pure experiment.

It’s an experiment in two ways. One – to see if I do better with this one. Two – if preparing every single detail possible, until perfection will make me a better content creator. With perfection I mean, as far as I can go with my manuscripts and an iPhone SE to record it all with. Not to mention my “schizophrenic” personality that always seems to occur these days when I put myself in front of a camera. I am more natural at speaking in person as I am in front of a camera now, and I hate it. I wish I could be as natural there as I am in real life, but more experience will most likely help with that.

Anyway, with the video I am making now, which is basically all about me being a borderline Apple sheep, I have to mention Drew in the video. I asked him today if that was ok, and it was! That made me so relieved and happy. Also inspired, and I could really use some of that now… Hopefully I’ll record the rest of the footage tomorrow and the edit will be finished before the week is over.

Now, to talk about the “being bored” part. In less then two weeks, I’m off to college. I can’t wait! I’ll go deep into Java programming during the school years and I hope that I’ll master every class and don’t find it too hard to learn. It would really make me sad if it turns out that I’m not made out to be a developer. Until college starts, I’m climbing the walls here because I am so bored. I just wanna start learning how to code!

The best part of my day is usually during the mornings, after my BF has gone off to work, because then I usually have at least an hour of awesome YouTube videos to watch. Those normally include Drew and Jon, but also many other Tech YouTubers who talk Apple products and other interesting stuff. When those videos are done being watched, I basically roll my thumbs all day long, surfing the web, trying to find more Youtube videos to watch, and I mostly succeed, but lately even that’s a struggle. I consider it a miracle that I can manage to spend my days and that the hours actually go by.

Today I was also thrilled that Drew went online with his daily Tech stream two hours or so earlier than usual. When the BF’s home it’s a bit easier as well for a while. As long as we eat dinner and watch a movie or a good show – everything is fine, then when that’s over it all starts again and I am bored out of my mind trying to find whatever I can do to. I really want school to start so I can focus on programming at least! I have to do something more or I’ll go nuts soon! If I haven’t already that is…

Only time will tell…

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