I don’t want to count calories, but damn – I think it’s necessary…😱

During this summer, I’ve started eating more Whole Foods Plant Based(WFPB), but the weight loss I thought was gonna happen so fast has barely moved this time. I have no idea why, but since this past few weeks since we bought a new scale I think I know the answer. And I hate it.

The last time in my life that I lost a huge amount of weight was in 2010, when me and the BF decided to restrict calories to the bare minimum (aka 1200 kcal) and take daily walks of at least 30-40 minutes. I lost about 16 lbs, at least 3″ of my waist and I felt great and it all happened in about 3 months. Since then, the weight has been creeping up again, of course and I’ve only become fatter and fatter and officially overweight with a BMI of around 26. My goal there is about perhaps 20? One reason for that is that calorie counting has never been sustainable for us. It only works as long as you keep doing it, and if you start it, you basically have to do it for the rest of your life. No fun! Going vegetarian did not help either, but I refuse to start eating meat again. I see meat and animal products as dead body parts, secretions and periods of living beings that are murdered for nothing destroying the planet in the process. Not to mention human health. I’ve written before about human physiology, so if you have no idea what I’m referring to, read all my posts about veganism.

Moving on. When I started this journey of finally losing weight in the summer of 2019 and feeling better, I did see some minor results within the first few weeks. Then it stopped. I don’t really know what the difference was, because I’ve been filling out cronometer pretty much daily and the answer might be as simple as calories in, calories out. For me, personally, I need about 1600 kcal per day to keep this current high weight off about 160 lbs when my “goal” is around 120 lbs. Especially since I practically never move my body these days. If I get 1000 steps in, it’s a good day, so yeah. Couch potato deluxe. When I used to drink a lot of smoothies, I probably ate below 1600 kcal in a day, but I got in a lot of fiber. Then the math test happened and after that I crashed. So low. OMG. After that I changed my eating habits again. Still ate a lot of WFPB foods of course and tried to keep it as vegan as possible, but the weight did not come off. It stagnated and it’s been like that for about 6 weeks. The good thing is that I probably have not gained any weight.

About two weeks ago, we bought a new scale, because the BF is also tired of being overweight. Still his ways of losing weight is not the way I want to lose my weight, but as long as we’re both doing something, it’s a good thing. His way is mostly about counting calories and eating as little as possible. Or basically starving yourself of nutrients and fiber. We’ve gotten ourselves a can of vitamins due to that. I do not want to do that, starve myself that is! Not since I’ve read about how to eat WFPB for so many years.

If you eat basically a 100% WFPB diet, you do not have to count calories. If you focus on the fiber and nutrients, which I’ve done, you don’t have to worry about calories and that’s how I want to lose the weight and keep it off. Still, since we got the scale, I’ve been weighing myself almost daily (and hating it, because I weigh to much), and it has made me to think about calories, even though I do not want to. Still, counting calories has helped. I’ve lost a kilo of weight during these past two weeks. Perhaps more, and the weight started coming off the minute I started eating less than 1600 kcal per day. It escalated when I started taking almost daily walks of at least 40 minutes on average. I now have eaten around 1200 kcal per day and for the last week I’ve started walking again. My goal is to keep going with this, even though I feel like I’m starving myself. Even though I’m technically not. More about this below, so keep reading. Beware of repetition!

I do eat until I’m full, and I still focus on nutrients and fiber, so I do not feel that hungry, but I don’t like it. At all. I feel tired as shit again, and it feels like eating less and starving myself is more important than getting fiber and nutrients, even though I’m still doing my best to eat better. And to repeat myself again, I do get most of my nutrients in, so there is really no need to worry. I do start to panic if my daily menu goes over 1200 kcal and I still feel like I need a fatty, nutritious sauce for my dinner. Like a sauce based on tahini that makes it all that much healthier. And tastier 😋

The thing is that with a WFPB diet, if you focus on nutrients and fiber (at least 60 g per day for me), you by default eat a low calorie diet. That’s because the major components of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, nuts, seeds and legumes are nutrient dense but low in calories. Sure, fatty sources like nuts and seeds do have plenty calories, but they’re not supposed to be the base of your diet, unless you eat like Miles from Healthy Crazy Cool on Youtube.

I guess I feel this way due to how this summer has been. It’s been nothing but chaos, really. At least in my head and as of now it’s somewhat worse. I’m currently waiting on getting some notion on what I’m supposed to do this fall and it’s a huge roller coaster. I can’t stand it! Just give me an answer already and let me stick to that education of choice! Preferably the new one here in Malmö. I do believe that’s a better choice for me.

At least I’ve started the new education program I’ve talked about, and it feels great. I’d rather continue that one now to be honest, but chances are that I still might continue my old program with a bunch of more sickening math courses, commutes and less programming than I’d get on the new education. At least it feels like that. The only thing keeping me wanting to continue there is due to my awesome classmates, but more than half of them will quit probably either way due to this math crap. Oh, who cares, really? I’m so sick of it! It prevents me from thinking straight. Everything for way too long has been about this math class I will fail. I just want to drop it and move on with my life.

This math crap turns me into a person I don’t want to be. It makes me feel like everything good turns to shit around me, even that’s not the case. Yeah, I imagine things, but I know I am imagining them. Things are better than I’d ever thought they’d be. That includes me getting my health on track, with taking walks, eating less, focusing on fiber and nutrients and hopefully a new way of the best health possible for me. Getting accepted to a “worse” or “better” college for my own learning progress in becoming a software developer in the future is great in my opinion! It makes me so happy! The math prevents me from focusing on programming the right way, and all my anger I’ve expressed this summer is due to the math. Basically nothing else. I can feel it in my bones. I basically panic due to this shit. That is why I feel like I’m starving myself right now, even though I’m getting enough nutrients in a day. Isn’t that weird? I hate it.

Oh, so much. Such garbage…

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