I’m gonna spend this summer crying my eyes out…

If you read my Swedish blog, you’ll know what this is about, but for those of you who don’t, I shall explain a little bit what’s going on. It’s about math, and that stupid, annoying math class I’m continuing to fail, over and over again. I’ve failed 4 exams in a row, which are all the exams possible for that class as of now. There are two more in the month of august. I’ve never been able to pass 2 points on the exam out of 18. I got one on the first one, two on the 2nd one, one again on the third and 2 on the 4th exam. With the 3rd and 4th exams I’ve studied as much as I possibly could, but I still went nowhere near a passing grade. The exams are too hard!

After the 4th exam I had a mental breakdown. No matter what I do, it is not enough. No matter what I do, it will never be enough. I feel pointless, useless, stupid and totally broken. Why is that? Because the math exams are so frickin’ hard that if you’re not already a math genius, you won’t pass this class. I have a disability, and I have a document that is supposed to help me pass the classes. The teacher has said no to all of that so I’m completely left to my own devices here, or whatever the expression is. I’ve written a little bit about this before, so re-read that post if you want to know more.

Since this mental breakdown, I have decided for like. the first time in my life that now it’s time to give up. There is no point of going on, since no matter how hard I study, I will never pass this class. The exams are too hard. And for some stupid reason it’s all my fault for not studying enough, for not being able to understand how math works, how to apply an equation to a general life situation. I’ve never had to do that in my life. Math is just stupid math in my book. Even if I know math is behind basically everything in our society, I’ve never thought about it that way. The calculator fixes that for me, or the app I’m using for whatever it is I’m doing, or the computer program. If I wanna drive my car, I press the pedal and steer the wheel. I do not think about math then. I think about driving! etc… If I wanted to know how much a soda costs, I’d ask for the price at the café… not solve an equation! If I’d build a house, I’d hire a building company and pay the bill. My math skills needed for daily tasks I learned before I started high school. Learning and fiddling with programming, I do understand that some more math is needed, but it is not much. And I’ve learned that stuff – from studying, but on an exam I fail to show it because instead of the exam having a normal question that I know, because I’ve practiced how to do it, there’s like a super advanced question, ten times harder to answer, which is impossible to do. Unless you understand math. Which I do not. So I’m screwed. And that’s my fault, and on and on it goes. A catch 22, a slippery slope, a stupid shit garbage situation I cannot get out of. This will be the death of me, surely. It sure feels like it right now. I’m on the verge of crying just thinking about this shit, and still people want me to keep going?! And I will because I feel I must. I do not want more anxiety in my life. Those days must be over! FFS!

I’m not alone in this. Many of my classmates are in this shitty mess. I do have a backup, and that is that I applied to other colleges (2 year, instead of 3) which is called Higher Vocation Education. I’ll become the exact same thing as I would be in this current program, I’ll get internships, and I get to learn and practice programming a whole lot more than in my current college program, plus there is no more math classes, just programming and developing. Just what I want! The only thing I might miss is not having a class in algorithms, but I’d learn absolutely everything I need in order to get a job as a software developer, and that’s what I want. A job, with a salary working with code. Problem solved, duh! Or not.

Higher Vocational Education (Yrkeshögskolan) is a post-secondary form of education that combines theoretical and practical studies in close cooperation with employers and industry. Programmes are offered in specific fields where there is an explicit demand for competence.

Yrkeshögskolan, Sverige

I’ve been accepted to 3 of the other programs, two as a Java software developer and one as a software developer in .NET. I’m going to the .NET one if this math crap never gets resolved. I know Java already, so why not learn a new language and platform? After the breakdown of mine, I’ve lost all sense of purpose regarding basically everything I’m doing. I’m so tired I can’t think, I can’t sleep at night, it takes me forever and I am so confused. I just want to stop. Take a break, take a vacation, do something else. Or just sleep. Still, recent events have pushed me to continue. I do not want to disappoint my darling BF and some friends of ours. They’ve made me to feel I must continue, even if I see no point to do so. I feel forced, at the same time I feel like I cannot disappoint without having anxiety about that too. I still have enough anxiety over this crap as it is. I am not worthy of passing this class. I hate feeling so anxious! I haven’t felt like this for years. It’s like at every corner something is coming to break me down further and there is no way out. The only way out is to proceed, fail, disappoint and never be enough, because I’m so utterly useless. Great feelings to have, right? It’s not fair, not since I’ve done my absolute best and that is not enough. Especially since I’ve not gotten proper help to pass the class and the exams are on a whole other level of accomplishments. The class is so hard, but for no reason. Last year the exams were normal. If I’d take a test from last year, I’ve already passed the class and I would not be in this situation. So I’ve learned my stuff, but it’s impossible to prove due to reasons that are so ridiculous and it just fills me with rage and disgust.

I tried earlier today to study some, but I’m so tired it’s a miracle I know my own name, and that I find my way home if I’d take a walk. I have promised them to do my best, yet again and find the energy to continue, but as long as I’m this tired, it’s a no-go. Blogging and watching tv, blend a smoothie is like all I am able to do. I’ve tried playing around with Java last week, but I’ve forgotten some important stuff so that’s a bit hard as well.

I basically just feel like crying all the time. And I probably will cry anytime and a lot of times until this shit is resolved. Fucking garbage. I hate this crap!

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Why I want a Great Dane, and why he will come from a breeder.

This post is somewhat of a follow up to all those vegans post I’ve written on this blog, and also especially those I’ve written recently. This post is basically about the whole #AdoptDontShop thing that’s so popular with vegans on social media and in the U.S.

I’m from Sweden. Born and raised and I still live here. I’ll probably live here all my life too. Sweden is a very special country to live in. Our laws and security system makes it one of the best countries a person like me can feel safe and secure in. Of course, it’s not a perfect country, but it’s a nice place to live in according to myself. The weather sucks, of course… Regarding veganism, we “pride” ourselves on our extreme and awesome animal rights laws, but in real life – it’s as bad as any other country. We just don’t use that much antibiotics. We still torture and enslave pigs, cows and chickens for their flesh and secretions as much as any other country.

America, aka the U.S have a huge problem with backyard breeders, homeless dogs and cats, shelters filled with unwanted pets, and horrible animal rights laws. That’s no lie. This is true in a lot of countries world wide, not just the U.S. Due to this issue, mainly all the vegans I’ve seen on social media urges people that wants to get cats or dogs as pets(more likely family members) to adopt them instead and don’t buy a dog or cat from a breeder – no matter what. In their situation, I definitely agree. However, what I feel regarding myself and getting new fur babies into my home, I feel a bit different about the whole thing.

I have, to be honest an awful history of having pets. Trust me, I do regret so much which is why I act differently these days regarding getting a new fur baby into my life. I’ve had dogs, I have a cat, but I used to have two. My current cat is called Maja and she’s as of now 12 years old. I hope she’ll live until she’s a hundred or something. Or at least 20. She’s not adopted, rescued or not even bought. I don’t remember if I paid anything to get Maja and her brother all those years ago, but I’ve had her since she was a baby. She’s probably inbred, but she’s really frickin’ healthy and I love her. So much! I wanted to get a cat due to having a dog was too much trouble and my history with having dogs have been nothing but regrets.

When I was younger, I was pretty easy to convince, and because of that, I’ve made so many mistakes in my past. My first dog was a Welsh Corgi Cardigan named Rasmus. I’d just gotten my first real apartment, and I had all the time (and money) in the world for a smaller dog. Even though I was desperate to get a Great Dane, I decided that my first dog would be of another breed and I ended up with Rasmus. I only had him for about 5 months. Why, you may ask? Did he die? Was he sick? No, he was almost perfect. No, I had an idiot boyfriend back then (the first of a few really bad jerks) who hated the fact that I got a dog. He forced me to get rid of him. Aka, to make the breeder take him back. If I didn’t, he’d leave me. So after days of arguing about it, I went along with it. It took a while until the breeder could take him, and during that time, my idiot bf fell in love with Rasmus, and when it was time to say goodbye, my jerk of a boyfriend changed his mind and wanted me to keep him. Then it was too late. What happened? He blamed me for everything! A month later after the breeder took him back, the jerk left me. There I was, no dog and no boyfriend. I hate his guts for doing this to me still to this day, about 16 years later now…

The next idiot of a boyfriend (who later turned into my husband, silly, desperate me) wanted to give me the whole world. If I wanted a dog, I should have one. If I wanted stuff, I should have it. No matter what I wanted, I should get it. That resulted in various dogs coming into our household, some rescued, some mixed breeds and another Welsh Corgi Cardigan named Hampus. All during these years, I was still so desperate of getting a Great Dane, and I did my best to save up money to buy my first one, but I was never able to save anything. No, since he wanted to give me everything and more, we always spent that money doing something else (or getting some pet) instead of just being better with money and let me save to get my most wanted, longed for Great Dane of Awesomeness. Even though I liked (or loved) Rasmus and the WCW breed, I felt that he nor the other dogs were not a Great Dane.

It was worse with all those other dogs as well, those mixed breeds and rescues we took care of or bought and handed back after a few weeks or months. After like the second or third dog, I felt like I’ve had enough. No more pets! Not until I’ll be getting my Great Dane! Well, what happened? My boyfriend, then turned husband went and bought Hampus. At the worst time of my life. I was not ready, nor did I want a dog. Hampus was also the worst, but I was probably even worse. Back then I followed Cesar Millan’s advice and I probably made a monster out of Hampus due to that. I had no energy those days and I just was a bad dog owner. It was before I knew I had fibromyalgia as well, so my lethargic behaviour had no explanation. I was also unemployed with little or basically no money. We managed to keep him for a year, which is almost a miracle, but he eventually went back to the breeder and on to another family that had time for him. I was honestly relieved after that and I felt so bad for getting “along” with having a dog back then. These days I shrug thinking about following Cesar Millan and all the horrible stuff that entailed. You have no idea how much I’ve changed in that area.

With the next idiot (after the divorce) we got Maja and her brother Nisse. The plan was to get two male cats who were siblings, and we’d found a “breeder” from a friend of ours. A week or something before we were supposed to get the cats, we found out that the breeder killed off all the male cats except for Nisse. I was so angry, but we still went on with it. Nisse was the king of cats, and he was lovely. Maja was a frailed little skeleton of skin and bones and afraid of everything. It was hard having cats, and we thought of selling them to somebody else, but we kept them and I’m so glad I did that today. I could not imagine living my life without Maja right now. When I split from this idiot of a boyfriend who destroyed my life in ways some can’t imagine, I took Maja with me and he took Nisse after a while. Nisse did not like that I moved away to another city and he peed and pooped wherever he felt like. Then the third jerk took him (aka the ex) and after that everything was better. For a while. Nisse died at like 3 years of age due to some kidney disease that could have easily been prevented. That made me hate this ex for forever and ever on top of the disaster of a relationship that we had. Maja thrived, however being a lone cat.

Since Maja, I have not gotten any other pets in my life, besides babysitting and having visitors with paws and fur. I’m still desperate of getting a Great Dane, and I will not get any other dog breed before I’ll have my Great Dane. Now, my plan is to wait until I have a steady higher and stable income and a workplace that accepts a Great Dane at the office almost daily. The other days he’s not with me at work, I’ll work from home. I do, however want another cat, either soon ( a kitten) or after Maja, but my current bf does not want any other cats after her. I do understand why, but still. I’d like to have one. If I do, I’d get a cat from a reputable breeder. Why? Because I’d like to have a cat with quality. Preferably a cat who’s not scared of everything and anything, not inbred and I’d like to have the biggest, friendliest cat available. I mean I do like big dogs, so why not a big cat? Like the cat I’m currently babysitting. Don’t get me wrong. If I could go to a shelter in Sweden and find purebred Norwegian forest cats, Maine Coons or Ragdolls, I’d easily get a kitten from them if I was to get another cat. I just don’t see that it’s likely it would happen if I’d get a purebred cat in the future. It is more likely I’d have to go to a breeder. And that’s fine with me! Healthy breeders are worth the promotion in my book.

The big furry guy is Floccon (means snowflake in french), a Norwegian Forest Cat that I’m currently baby sitting. Maja is watching him intensly as he steals his ways into our hearts and home.

I’ve been wanting a Great Dane since 1997. It’s been my whole life goal to get this breed. This longing for this specific breed has kept me alive, kept me going, kept me fighting for a life I’d like to live and I have my reasons for waiting so long to get one. First of all, I’ve never had the money for such an expensive breed. The costs if everything goes perfectly his whole life would amount up to at least $300 per month, and most of my years, I’ve not had that money to spare. Considering the normal expenses for a Great Dane, and the risks or chance of bloat, some expensive surgery or anything else, I’ve never had the money to care for a Great Dane. If I’d actually gotten a Great Dane some 15-20 years ago, it is most likely true that I’d end up giving him back to the breeder due to my bad financial situation I’ve had since I moved away from home. With the experience I now have with too many dogs bought, rescued and handed back to the previous owner – I have sworn to myself and others that I will never, ever get this Great Dane breed until everything, and I do mean everything is in order. That is why I’ve waited for so long and probably will wait for another ten years if things won’t change for the better and I’ll become a programmer for real. School right now is in a very weird place for me, so I have no idea what will happen right now in my future. The risk I’m taking is I’ll be the one who waited her whole life for a Great Dane, and never got that special “him”. I’m fine with that, really, even though I hate the thought of it. The reason is due to why I’m waiting. If it’s never the right time, it’s not the right time.

When I will get my Great Dane, I’ll have a fulltime, wellpaid job, working as a developer somewhere where I can bring my Great Dane to work, no matter what. From puppy times to his last breath. I’ll have enough money to be able to live alone if possible with a mortgage or high rent to pay, and still be able to afford a car and pay for surgeries or other events that may occur for my baby. Not until then will I have my Great Dane. I feel proud of myself for having this plan and for acting this way.

There is also the health aspect. I do not plan to get a Great Dane, that’ll die on me after 5-6 years of cancer or heart disease from a breeder that does not care about the breed’s longevity and future. From what I’ve learned during all these years, I also feel that having a healthy Great Dane is more important than anything else. I plan to keep him healthy as well, with good Biologically Appropriate Raw Foods, long walks, attention, cuddles and everything else he or we might need from each other. He will be my everything when he’s here. That is why I am waiting. If I could get a purebred, healthy Great Dane puppy (because my dream is to bring my first Great Dane up from the beginning) from a shelter or a rescue here in Sweden, I would, but I’ve already found my breeder of choice and they’re one of the absolute best in my opinion regarding breeding Great Danes here in Sweden. Since I’ve been wanting this specific breed for basically all my adult life, I do think it’s important to choose wisely. I do not want to get a dog, just because it’s a dog. I want my Great Dane. My puppy. My future lifelong friend. I want to be there from the moment of conception, when he’s born, when it’s time to come home to me, and if I do everything right, he might be by my side for 13 years or more. There are no specific Great Dane rescues available anyway in Sweden, because we do not have that big of a problem with backyard breedings or unwanted pets, even if they do exist. I’d rather go dogless forever then to just get another dog considering my history of pet ownership. I refuse to deviate from this plan of getting a Great Dane.

The way I see my future of owning Great Danes something like this:

  1. Get my first Great Dane from the breeder I’ve chosen. He lives with me for at least 10 years (the age here is just a reference). Let’s say I’ll get him the same year I turn 40 or 41. I’m currently 37.
  2. The next GD, will come from abroad as a puppy as well, from the U.S or Canada from one of the best breeders in the business, because I’ve always wanted a Great Dane from the U.S. This is due to the American standard of the breed. I prefer that one more to the European one. Let’s say I’m 55 when this happens. If not from the U.S, it will be from the next best breeder available in Sweden or Scandinavia, with perfectly healthy Great Danes that also uses American bloodlines for that special look and temperament.
  3. The third GD will probably be from a shelter or an older dog. I’m probably 65 or 70 then this happens, so it will most likely be better to have an older dog, if I’m healthy enough that is. Or even alive.

The scenarios above are if I’d only have one dog at a time. It could very well be so in the future that I’ll have more than one Great Dane at a time, but only after I’ve gotten my first one and he’s gotten old enough that it’s time for a new puppy in our lives.

I hope you who’ll read this will respect or accept my arguments regarding my waiting of this breed and why I’m not interested of adopting a dog for myself. From what I’ve learned, it’s so important to get the breed that is most suited for you. I am not an active person. I’m a couch potato. I have mobility issues due to my fibromyalgia and I’ve come to learn that no other breed is like the Great Dane. I do find pugs really adorable though, but the same idea is there too, if I’d get a pug. I wouldn’t get it from a shelter, I’d get one from a really good breeder, and I wouldn’t mind if it took years in order to find the perfect breeder. I’d personally be so heartbroken if anything were to happen when I finally got my Great Dane and I had to give him back or sell him to somebody else. I do not want to live through that again. I love dogs and cats, no matter what breed – but the Great Dane is far too special for me to do anything else then what I’ve written in this post. There is simply nothing like a Great Dane…

Oh, and in case you wondered about the American bloodlines and U.S standard of the breed. The breeder I’ve chosen do have use dogs from the U.S, and due to that, they get the most loving and healthy Great Danes available. Their temperament is amazing!

I can’t wait to have a Great Dane like that.

Why I’m not vegan – yet.

Potatoes, broccoli and chickpeas straight from the oven

This is a rant, and also some information to all those angry vegans who do not accept other non-vegans no matter what reasons they might have for not being vegan. Like comparing them to being murderers, rapists or pedophiles. FFS! How do you think you’re helping the vegan movement by those saying those words to people?! I think you’re a jerk😡. In the video below, Brian Turner explains a little bit of how I feel about this as well. It’s worth a watch!

My reasons for not being vegan might seem stupid for many, but I stick by my choice. I’ve been wanting to go vegan since 2012 or so, from the first time I saw Forks over Knives and all those older vegan documentaries. The reason for why I’ve waited for so long is because I waited for my BF to also see the truth and follow along and at least become vegetarian. Anything else about him and his choices/reasons I’m leaving left unsaid due to showing him some respect. This blog is about me, myself and I anyway and what I think about stuff.

When I finally went vegetarian I was so happy. I thought that it would change everything, that I’d finally be healthy, loose all the weight and regain my former self with less brain-fog and less pain in my body. So far nothing has happened. It’s been the opposite. I keep gaining weight and my health is worse. My belly is about 38″ (97 cm)wide, where it really should be around 26″ (67 cm or at least below 70 cm), and I’m gaining inches in places I did not even know I could fit more fat.

Just to be clear. Before I gained all this weight I was an adult and my belly or waist has always been around 65-70 cm, with some minor fluctuations before I got together with my BF. I was of the illusion that I could never get fat, because in my family we basically only gain weight by having kids and I wasn’t having any. Growing up I always ate a healthier diet than most, with lots of vegetables and fruits, and candy, chips and all that other good stuff was only meant to be eaten in a tiny quantity on some days. That means that I’ve been used to eating everything in moderation, but I was planning on having an adult life where I could eat candy etc whenever I wanted to without gaining weight, since that would be impossible. Little did I know back then that eating crap and lots of it makes you fat – even little old me, vegetarian or not so there you go.

I should also mention that even as an adult, before I got together with my BF, I did eat whatever I wanted for many years, but I still kept it in moderation. A bag of candy, or a bag of potato chips could easily last for days before, but now – not so much, unless I eat all of it by myself. Then it could probably last for days, but I’m more interested these days to let go of the processed crap junk-foods and eat more WFPB, as you well now by now.

Disclaimer!

My weight goal is not to be as skinny as possible, just to be healthy again and feel better than I do right now. Have more energy, find my words easier and have less pain as well, have clothes that fit better, like I did when I was a lot younger. I’m not trying to be anorexic, orthorexic or anything else. Just healthy! Let’s continue with the rant, shall we?

My boobs have gained a cup size (and maybe a half?) since I started to gain more weight about 3 years ago. Yes, before I went vegetarian. It’s been a slippery slope for oh so many years now… Why? Because I’ve become more lazy, more tired etc due to eating a really crappy diet. Yes. You can eat crappy by being vegetarian as well. It’s so darn easy when you eat processed crap and too many cookies. And I hate it! I should be glad if I get 10-15 grams of fiber in me on a daily basis and also if I meet all my nutrient requirements. I probably have not for many years. At least not the fiber part… And my IBS let’s me know it! Not to mention my acid reflux.

In January of this year (2019), I made the decision to advance a whole lot more vegan foods with more fiber and Whole Foods (WF). I have sort of succeeded, but it’s gone slow and instead of losing weight, I’ve actually gained some more, but it’s more like I haven’t tried enough and I’ve still been eating too much processed crap, candy, potato chips and cakes/cookies. As soon as I eat more healthy with more fiber and WF, I notice a difference within a few days. I did however loose a tiny bit of weight in the beginning of the year, but I quickly gained that back when I had a bit of a setback and ate a lot worse again for a few months.

Now it’s summer and I do not have to attend school daily so eating better will be a lot easier. I’ve noticed that those annoying fat deposits I wrote about earlier above have decreased a little from my new eating habits, but it’s going slow as per usual. Hey, better that they slowly disappear and never come back instead of they keep getting bigger and I get more uncomfortable. The first time I tried to eat the way I do now, it was a success, but it did not last. The reason for that was because I mainly just ate the same stuff over and over.

I was fine and am fine in general to eat the same meals often, but the choice of daals (lentil stews) was not a good one. At least the ones I made. They became boring so fast! It was the main reason why I quit, because they only tasted good the first day or so. This time, the plan is to eat more what I feel like and don’t blame myself if I get less fiber for breakfast or lunch one day and a whole lot more some other day. I hope that this summer of a whole lot more of a WFPB vegan diet will help me get my strength and health back so I can continue on this path for school later on when I go back for my 2nd year. That is if I can pass half my math class… 🤬

The plan to become more vegan is to try to eat both my breakfasts and lunches completely vegan and when possible, maximize the fiber and nutrient intake. The best would be if breakfast and lunch together would be around 50-60 grams of fiber. Here’s me hoping for the best! I’ve been checking cronometer a lot these past two weeks since I started eating like this and it’s looking good. The main reason for using cronometer is to check the fiber content and nutrients, so no worries! Many people tend to panic when they hear people using that site, but it’s a really good source to check that you’re getting enough nutrients and fiber in your diet.

It’s a lot easier than I thought to get 50+ grams of fiber a day, and as long as my dinner is not really low grade in nutrients, I basically meet all my requirements and that’s good. The only problem with eating that much fiber is that it takes me like 5-6 hours at least to get hungry again, and that’s a problem right now with the planning of dinners. I’m working on that too, and the best solution is to have a fiber rich smoothie in the morning and try to eat lunch at noon or way before 1 o’ clock.

A fiber rich smoothie, for those of you who wonders means that I use about 30 grams of chia seeds, about 15 grams of flaxseeds and sometimes 10 grams of psyllium husk powder in my smoothies to get all that fiber in. I also try to always have 100 grams of everything else, and always use rasberries or some other really fiber rich berry in the smoothie to get more fiber. Generally, I can get a smoothie that’s nutrient dense and fiber rich with about 35 grams of fiber if I use the basis I mentioned.

This image above show what a typical day of eating breakfast and lunch would contain. The hummus is added for like a possible sauce for dinners and/or dipping veggies in for lunch. The oat milk is added for vitamin D and B12. The brand of psyllium husk seeds does not matter, there is the same amount of fiber in all of them. I get 66 grams of fiber and 91% nutrients targeted from just eating this on a daily basis. I could certainly live like this.

With this base smoothie I get almost 50% of my daily targets. That’s pretty awesome. I drink it slowly, I can get about a liter(32 oz) of smoothie of this. I have to use more water due to the psyllium husk powder. If I did not use that, I’d get a 5 dl (16 oz) smoothie instead, but the fiber is more important to me right now. Below is a list of ingredients I use normally in my smoothies. It’s a good thing to thaw the berries and other frozen stuff first before blending.

  • 100 grams of frozen rasberries
  • 100 grams of frozen strawberries
  • 100 grams of frozen spinage or kale (or other leafy greens), optional but use frozen to get a 100 grams of it easier.
  • 30 grams of chia seeds, crushed or not
  • 15 grams of flax seeds, whole or crushed (In Sweden, only whole are available)
  • 10 grams of psyllium husk powder
  • 1 liter of water (32 oz), or half if psyllium husk powder is not used and berries are thawed beforehand.

I am taking my steps towards being vegan slowly, and I’m doing what I can to change the stuff in my home as well. I now use the humble tooth brush, and whenever I can I use vegan shampoos and conditioners. Sometimes I’m “forced” to use non-vegan stuff, but that’s due to my own mobility issues. For example, I am lousy at using my hands for anything other than typing on a computer, so washing my hair with a shampoo that does not lather that much only makes my scalp itch, so I have to use other products for that. There’s a lot of buildup and residue, and only a well foamed shampoo helps with that.

If I could find a vegan shampoo that lather as much as any non-vegan product, I’d buy it without having to rinse and repeat. I find that process tedious as F. I actually have started to hate washing my hair, because it takes so long. Now I’ve got shorter hair again, but it’s still tedious to wash it and conditioners generally also make my hair greasier a lot sooner, so I really do prefer using only shampoos when possible. I’ve also tried to switch out other house hold products such as dish washing soap and cleaning products to vegan ones.

If I was the only one living in this apartment, everything would be vegan and chemical free, but my lovely does not like the vegan products. He believes they do not make it all clean, but that’s bullshit. I clean our toilets with this soap and it works wonders! I’ve done so for years! The hand wash soap in my current bathroom is almost always a vegan one as well. My current skin products are almost all vegan. I’m not so sure about some of them, but all the lotions are vegan at least! Now I only have to find a toothpaste that’s vegan and lathers a lot. Do you have any ideas on brands to use? Leave a comment and let me know. I now use Aquafresh, which is most likely tested on animals and with the toothpaste itself containing tiny plastic particles that’s hurting the oceans and the fish. I’d really like to not use that (due to the plastics issue), but I have not found an alternative yet. But according to their websites, it’s totally free of animal products, so that’s good! I really like that toothpaste! Knowing that it’s animal free makes me feel better about using it.

To sum it up, I’m doing my very best to be more vegan in my life. My goal is to be vegan someday, but when I’ll get there I have no idea. If I could eat like i plan do to during this summer, that’s more than good enough for me for a foreseeable future. My plan is not to go vegan overnight, go all in and stop being vegan after X weeks, months or years. My plan is to go vegan and stay vegan. Until I die! When that day happens, I’d stopped wanting to eat the processed non-vegan junkfoods, candy and cookies etc or I’ve found really good replacements for all of them. Even if I never get to be a 100% WFPB vegan, that’s fine. I’d like to have cheat days, like I’ve written before, but it would be good for my health, and the planet if my food was like 90% WFPB and 100% vegan. That’s the main goal to be honest. Any step towards that is a great step in my opinion. You have no idea how proud I feel of myself when I have completely vegan days of eating.😍

But right now, I’m glad I’ve started to do something for real again and I’ll do my best to keep on doing it. If this works like I want it too, it could mean that I’m gonna be vegan within 3-5 years or even sooner than that, but if I go back to my bad eating habits again, I’d might as well be dead of cancer and/or heart disease before I’m 45. That’s how bad it probably is or will be if I change nothing. Considering the bad place my health has been for so many years, I have to do my best to be better, eat better, live better. When I go vegan, I’ll be vegan for life.

And this is how I plan on doing it.

Just switched back to Twenty Seventeen theme…

I just did this, because there seems to be a problem with the Twenty Nineteen theme and the sharing issues I’ve been having this year. When I think about it, the problems arouse when the Gutenberg editor came to WordPress.com, like I wrote before and with that, I also switched to the Twenty Nineteen theme and since then sharing to FB has been quite buggy. Hopefully the issue is fixed now, but we’ll see. I just reported the issue to the Happy Engineers as well

This is a short post, thank god – right?! Well, I do have my reasons for making public test posts. Also I’d wanted my readers to know that I’m working on another post within the veganism topic about what not to do to non-vegan people. I don’t know when it will be published, but if you understand Swedish, I just published the Swedish version of the post today. You can read it here.

Stop ignoring facts about animal and human physiology!

In my last post, I had a few examples on what I’d like to write about next on this blog. I thought I’d start with the first example. That example is mainly why people, vegans or not are ignoring facts about the physiology of humans and/or animals.

If you have been here before, you might remember I’ve sort of discussed this before, especially regarding why humans are herbivores and our precious family members with fur and four legs are obviously carnivores. Especially if they say meow or woof and wags a tail of sorts. Somehow, lately this fact is ignored – even by vegans in some form.

Many vegans say that eating a vegan (WFPB) diet is the optimal diet for human health. Yes, that’s true – but why? Well, it’s because humans are herbivores or perhaps frugivores. Why are we herbivores? It’s because we have flat teeth, we grind and chew our food, we have long intestines and we thrive on plant foods with a lot of fiber. Does your dog grind his food, or perhaps your cat with his or her’s flat teeth? I did not think so…

In our earlier days as humans, we got at least 100 grams of fiber a day. The daily recommendation today is around 25-30, which is just way too low. The smell of rotting meat is repulsing to us, and hunting and killing animals also feels unnatural for the vast majority of the human population. So is murder regarding our fellow human beings. Killing another human being is a crime in our society as well… A cat would not think twice to kill a mouse or a little bird, because that’s natural for a carnivore – to kill other living beings for food. A dog would not necessarily kill another animal, but a wolf would. That’s basically all that differs between a wolf and a dog, or something. The dog still has the same GI tract, teeth and more that their ancestral wolf does. I’m just writing down my thoughts here, so sorry if I do not sound 100% scientific. If you’d like to read stuff like that, go visit nutritionfacts.org or some other database with a lot of studies. And watch the video below (but ignore the part where he says humans are omnivores):

When vegans turn their dog vegan, they do so by saying that dogs are omnivores. That’s very far from the truth, and yes. I’m not a scientist or an expert, but I know this much. It disturbs me a lot thinking that the same arguments for why people should be eating a vegan diet, is so utterly ignored when it comes to the physiology of those furry beings that go woof or meow. Humans, cats and dogs (in this example) have some things in common, from what I’ve seen and learned. The thing in common is that we rarely die from eating the wrong food straight away (unless it’s a poison). A cat won’t die from eating some plants. A dog won’t die from eating plants. A human won’t die from eating meat. But will they thrive? No. Why do you think we get fat, die from different diseases? Why do you think we get alzheimer’s or strokes? It’s because we eat the wrong food for our species. The same is true for our carnivorous pets. They thrive on meat based diets, and get cancer and heart problems and diabetes from sugar-rich diets (aka carbohydrates, complex or not) and vice versa. We humans, get sick and fat from animal products.

We will survive for a while, even years, but we’ll die early from cancer, heart disease or perhaps diabetes instead of living healthfully to a 100+ years for humans and perhaps 15+ years for dogs (especially larger breeds) and more than 20 years for cats if we eat Biologically Appropriated (Raw) Food for our species. The raw aspects is more true for carnivores. Not so much for humans. More on that later. Does this means that we all are omnivores? That we need both meat and plants in our diets in order to thrive and be healthy? I say absolutely not. Humans do not need meat in order to survive in this day and age because we are shaped and made like herbivores. We might have while we lived in a hunter gatherer world, where food was scarce and we had to hunt animals in order not to starve. This is not the reality any longer. And the inuits (eskimos) did not live long and healthy lives. They died mostly in their 50’s or 60’s (or earlier) from extremely clogged arteries and heart disease. That’s what you get when you eat the wrong kind of diet for your species.

Humans, cats and dogs are very resilient, just like a video I’ve shared from my older posts about this subject from a vet. But humans are not omnivores, even though we have been conditioned since forever to eat an omnivorous diet. There is a huge difference from being an omnivore to eating an omnivorous diet! It’s a cultural thing to eat meat. Some cultures eat more meat than others. Some eat primarily vegetarian (aka vegan or plant based) diets. If this was true, both cats and dogs and humans are somewhat forced to eat the wrong kind of diet for their species, due to all the plant foods found in kibble/dog/cat food and our culture that teaches us to need meat in our diet, even if it makes us sick in the process.

Humans are also in my opinion really smart at the same time we’re so extremely stupid. We can build ginormous buildings, destroy the planet due to our inventions and tendencies to overpopulate, but we have no clue what our optimal diet is. And when we do find out – we do everything we can to try to be carnivores, which only makes us sicker. Not to mention all the processed junk we also eat. Really tasty, of course, but detrimental to our health.

A cat, or a dog or any other carnivorous animal that lived in the wild were not born to eat kibble, or processed food. Before this westernized living occurred, cats ate rats, birds etc that they caught on their master’s farms. Dogs ate scraps, but mostly left overs from hunts, or left overs from other dead animals. Kibble is something that’s been around since the 1860’s. Dogs have been around for at least 15 000 years and probably longer than that! We humans were also not born to eat donuts and drink soda all day long. Even though it’s so frickin’ tasty! You can not pick a donut off from a tree. You could pick an apple, though. Or pick some potatoes out of the ground or other vegetables. Drink water from a stream and get all that B12 you need. In today’s society, the B12 that naturally occurred in nature have almost all been destroyed due to our obsession with cleanliness. Ask any vegan and they’ll tell you!

As I’ve written oh so many words now about this, I do have to apologize for not sharing so many links to appropriate sites for more information. The reason why is mainly because I’ve done so in previous posts, so go back and read those if you’d like to know more. You can also watch a lot of videos on YouTube from reliable vegan sources that won’t mock up the truth. Some of those are The annoying Vegans, Mic the Vegan, Plant Based News, Vegan Gains, Vegan Footsoldier, That Vegan Couple and of course Dr. Greger’s nutritionfacts.org!

Some upcoming topics, and also – this is a test post?!

I’m mainly writing this post to check if the post will be shared properly to Facebook this time around. There’s an issue that’s been going on lately, but it seems now that wp.com has acknowledged the issue and the problem lies with FB themselves for messing something up in the sharing process from WordPress.com. Also, I’ve been thinking about some topics I’d like to discuss, or at least just write about, and here they are:

Veganism:

  • Why dogs are NOT omnivores, but (scavenger or opportunistic) carnivores. Even though I’m not a scientist, or an expert on dogs – I don’t understand why the GI tract for humans and other animals is mentioned for why humans are supposed to be herbivores, but it’s ignored when we talk about obvious carnivorous animals (besides lions?!)…
  • The whole stupidity about “why I’m not vegan anymore” trend that’s going on and the obvious pattern they follow, making meat lovers hate on veganism even more…
  • Why I will go vegan some day and why I’m not there yet.

My current life:

  • My plans for the summer, and how I plan to try out (as far as I possibly can) – a Whole Food Plant Based vegan diet during the weekdays, focusing mainly on getting as much fiber and nutrients as humanly possible (for me at least, don’t wanna mess anything up).
  • More on how math sucks, and how I came to almost like it. Or perhaps hate it even more.
  • My life as an upcoming developer, learning Unity, making a puzzle game and frustrations/happiness deluxe situations with various programming languages and platforms.

Disclaimer!

Considering I am the person that I am, I can not make any promises that all of these posts will be written in the near future. By near, I mean at least before summer is over, or something of that nature. Either way, I’d appreciate it if you’d read all of my future posts, subscribe to the blog by filling in the form below, follow it on Facebook and all that other fun stuff. You can find me on basically all the platforms out there. Links to my social media is found somewhere on this blog, in the widgets most likely in the footer or sidebars… (depending on what theme I’m currently using)

It’s time to start thinking about that first summer job…

Since I started college in the fall of 2018, I’ve had a plan that I’d be looking for work after year one. First I’d like a summer job and if that goes well, I might be doing smaller jobs for that company later on and if not, I’ll be trying to do that for some other company instead. Then in year two I’ll continue to look for employment over the summer and hopefully get one (or just continue with the current company that’ll have me) and it goes on and on. However, during the fall of 2020 I have to have a part time job with a salary at least around $1400 before Swedish taxes, but preferably not more than 10 hours per week of labor. Or some other task that’ll get me some money to be used for rent and such until I’ve graduated in June 2021. One example would be to take care of a website and /or create an app for a company where I get a bigger sum of money that I can use to pay rent and other expenses until I graduate. After that I hope I’ve landed my dream job, if not already long before then but as of now, I think a lot about my future and where to go next.

In order for me to even get a job someday, I have to have a portfolio, preferably a website dedicated to my developer skills and some apps to show off to a future employer. During these few weeks, I’ve started to do just that, but before you’ll feel happy for me, let’s just say it all turned to shit before something good could come of it. I got a web hosting thing started again with the web host I used last time. I need a service like that both for blogging and for development, so access to databases and PhpMyAdmin etc is very useful. However, after tinkering a lot with some code locally on my computer – I noticed and got told that this would not work with my future and current java applications, due to many reasons. This sucks, but somehow I’m glad, because I still do remember why I stopped messing around with stupid web hosts and that shit. Still, somehow it is different now, since I’ve actually started to learn how to do this! Not to mention I’ve always wanted to learn this, so in a way it’s perfect for this since I’m a student now. It’s just shitty no matter what that this happened, but I am glad I got my money back from the web host.

To solve the database problem, I’ve started to play around with cloud services. That is so advanced that I have basically no idea what I’m doing, but I’ve tried following the instructions and no matter what I do, I can’t get my code in IntelliJ to work with an external database. It only works with a local one, which is fine, but I’m lazy and would love if I could have access to an external MySQL database so I could use that DB on whatever computer and/or network I’m on. It works to connect MySQL Workbench etc to the cloud, but the code get’s “access denied” messages or other errors… I think it’s due to me not using the right libraries but I have no idea on how I should do it either. We haven’t been taught this stuff in school yet… at least not how to use external databases.

Still, it is useless it seems and I am not sure that I should be spending my time on this. It might be too early for everything. Many of my classmates say that to find work within IT as a developer after your first college year would be a miracle if it was possible, so many of them will work with other jobs to get some money over the summer breaks. In my current situation, with me having the “ability” to not get a job anywhere else then within IT, I have to take my chances now. Also – I do not want to work with anything else than programming! I am not the best student in class, but I think I know enough to at least try. Also I’ve learned so much this semester, even though I’ve been by myself 90% of the time. I’m amazed at what I know today regarding Java, programming and OOP as well. I still suck at terminology though, due to my memory problems that are explained by my illness Fibromyalgia.

Also, I have a backup plan. If I do not get hired over the summer I shall spend it creating the game I’ve wanted to create for so long and hopefully that will be popular enough so I can make some money from that over the coming years. I do not believe it will be super popular, but I’m mainly gonna make that game for myself. If somebody else wants to play, great! Go buy it! It will be a lot cheaper than you think if I can release it to the public, and most likely not free… In my mind I’d rather pay $1 – $5 and be able to play my match-three games without loosing lives and having to wait or be bothered by ads or DLC stuff. If all goes as planned with that stuff, it will be released on iPad, Steam and perhaps Android and iOS devices with at least a 5.5″ screen. Size does matter for this game… At least in my mind it does. Don’t know about you…

So now you know what I’ve been up to. Let’s hope for the best, shall we? And also, do you have any recommendations on what to do with a portfolio website? I have a Swedish site for this already, but I want one in English as well, but WP on WP.com at least is not so useful for this and I do not want to spend more (or any money) if possible. $4 a month for my main Swedish blog is more than enough, thank you very much…

My review of the iPhone Xr…

I’ve had this new phone for a little over a week and I love it more and more. I’ve almost gotten used to the size of it and the pop socket helps a lot with that. It’s getting smaller by the day, haha!

The battery life sure is amazing!

The battery life is more than amazing and I’ve actually started a little experiment where I will charge it less. I mean, I see no point in charging the phone where I got more that 80% left after using it normally for a day, so I shall wait and see how many days I can get from normal use. Normal use for me is mostly about checking social media a few times a day, perhaps taking a photo or two and surfing the web and perhaps doing something else. Since I started college again, being hotspot and listening to hours of music on Spotify is also regarded as normal use. The same day I started this post, which is also the same day I started my little experiment, I got like 8 hours of use with 30% left and that means it lasted for like 40 hours! I left it fully charged on Monday morning at 6:30 AM and at 11PM on Tuesday night I had 30% left. If I wouldn’t be a person that get’s freaked out when the battery goes below 50%, probably could’ve waited another day for it to charge, because it would probably last like three whole days with normal use for me. Yesterday I spent the whole day almost on LTE because I was at the hair dresser becoming a blonde person again, and so I used my phone a lot while I was sitting in the chair becoming a bit prettier.

The finished result of my hair. The photo is a portrait mode taken with the TrueDepth selfie camera on the iPhone Xr.

Usually I get about 2-3 SOT’s when I use a phone normally for a day with somewhere between 75%-85% left with this phone. The battery status is different for each day since I got the phone but I have noticed clearly that I get a whole lot more battery life out of this phone than probably any other phone I’ve had. The biggest change is on foot. Also I do not game on this phone. I’ve started using my iPad for that purpose instead, because of the bigger screen.

Listening to music on Spotify for an hour on the train with my iPhone SE usually dropped the battery life with at least 25% and over 30% if I’d been hotspot. The other day I listened to music and was hotspot for an hour and I lost about 10% so that’s a huge difference. With my usage I probably could get between 12-16 hours of SOT and that’s amazing!

My only complaint?

The only problem I have with this device is that I can’t use it even more than I’d like too. As of now I’d like to be glued to it and to everything on it, but that’s almost impossible even if it’s doable. To help with that I am actually writing the beginning and maybe the whole post on my iPhone Xr. It’s going great thanks to the predictive typing apple has but the bigger buttons also help a lot with it. Believe it or not but I do think that the popsocket also helps with the typing, but I could be wrong.

The screen is more than good enough.

The screen is great, not blurry at all and it looks awesome. Since I came from an iPhone SE it looks the same and I had no complaints at all about that screen either. I like that it’s changing the brightness automatically without getting to bright or dark depending on the situation. It’s especially nice at night since I have not yet been blinded by the brightness when I wanna check the time at 3 AM.

Those amazing-OMG-fantastic photos… 😍

The camera, oh my god – the camera! It’s so amazing I hardly know what to do with myself. It’s a freeing feeling to know I can take amazing selfies and photos no matter where I’m at. Most of the selfies I’ve started taking lately with the iPhone SE has been taken against the best white wall in my apartment but with this awesome camera I can take them anywhere. Even in low light. That’s great! Finally I can write blog posts without leaving the couch! 😂

Me doing a funny faced selfie on the train. I love the portrait mode features on this phone!!!

Face ID is far better than Touch ID.

Face ID continues to amaze me as well. It recognizes me in the dark as well as when I have something on my head or my hair not in a ponytail so that’s also great. Not that I really had an issue with Touch ID, but Face ID is certainly a lot nicer.

No sign of touch decease or anything else.

Another thing I’ve noticed is that the touchscreen in general works better. One thing that almost bothered me with the iPhone SE was that pressing where you’re supposed to in order to go back or somewhere else rarely worked. In order to get it to work, you usually had to press beside the button. This is not true with my iPhone XR and that’s good. That must mean that the SE might’ve had a mild case of touch decease or something. I can’t say for sure but since I’ve used this new phone I have noticed that I can press where I should be pressing and pressing beside the buttons does not work and that’s good. Aka it works as intended.

The gestures feel so much better than to deal with double pressing the home button in order to get around. Since I already knew how to do all of the gestures from watching too many YouTube videos about iPhones they felt normal to me from the start. Even though I usually suffer from having very wet fingers from sweaty hands, the gestures work wonderfully.

The price is a problem? At least outside of the U.S…

Basically I have no complaints at all about this phone. Well, perhaps the price but that’s not Apple’s fault. I even got it at a cheaper price since I did not buy it from the Apple store, but it was still very highly priced. Still, if my plan works as I want it too, this phone will be my daily driver for like three years. If that’s gonna be true, it will be the phone I’ve had for the longest time. Still I believe that it is a great investment for the future since I really don’t think the next years iPhones will bedazzle me away like this years models have. If they do, I’ll be surprised since I do not care for AR, 3D stuff etc regarding camera features.