So relieved, yet so bored…

I just had an amazing experience during a livestream from one of my current favourites on YouTube, Tailosive Tech. Otherwise known as Drew. With amazing, I might be overstating it a bit, but it was pretty cool. I finally was able to get some bits so I could donate a little and ensure that my comment or question is read and answered by him. It took a while before I could come up with a good one, but then somebody asked about stalkers so I figured I’d let him know a little bit of how I’m feeling in this whole thing.

With Drew and the whole Tailosive/Apple shebang I have felt that I’m his only loyal fan or something, even though I know I’m not the only one. I’m like (whenever I try to get in contact during a livestream or on Twitter):

“hey, it’s me from Sweden. Do you remember me? Do you know who I am? Of course not…”

Or something like that. Not really, though but it sure feels like that’s how I act way too often with him. I feel really stupid sometimes, but my stupid brain and I have started to figure out that as long as I’m respectful to him, everything should be fine. And I do my very best to make sure I don’t do anything stupid… That’s why I’m so happy that I got the answer I needed today so I can move on and focus on better things.

To be clear. I am not a stalker. I am not stalking him. And that makes me feel so relieved. If I’d ever be close to do something like that I don’t know what I would do with myself. He’s such an inspiration, but if I go back and think how the last year has been for me and how much he and his talk about Apple and other things have helped me, I have sometimes felt like a stalker. Or something like that, but I am sure that is not true and never has been.

I am pretty sure, however that he doesn’t believe how much he has helped me the past year. I mean, how could he know? Seeing him speak reminds me of what I can and want to become, especially online. I could be that great at having an opinion, because I am like that in person. Just not in front of a camera, and especially not with a manuscript. I have tried making videos without a script, but then it by default becomes even more boring and I don’t like that. The difference would be if I could have a podcast with invited quests or be a guest myself so I can show my true personality. It’s during those discussions I truly shine – at least as long as I can get my message through without stepping on people’s toes and not getting them upset.

As a blogger, showing my true self is easy, but on video? That’s a real struggle…

I am currently working on a YouTube video that I hope will be released before I start college in a few weeks. It has taken me weeks to do this video, but the reason for that is due to many things. Mainly because what Jon Prosser has started  to say in order to help smaller creators become better on YouTube.

It has made me evaluate everything I have done and what I’m about to do as a hopeful content creator. I don’t know and I certainly don’t expect to succeed, but with Jon’s help, I’m at least starting to improve, but if it will gather views – I am really not sure. I am doing this particular video as a pure experiment.

It’s an experiment in two ways. One – to see if I do better with this one. Two – if preparing every single detail possible, until perfection will make me a better content creator. With perfection I mean, as far as I can go with my manuscripts and an iPhone SE to record it all with. Not to mention my “schizophrenic” personality that always seems to occur these days when I put myself in front of a camera. I am more natural at speaking in person as I am in front of a camera now, and I hate it. I wish I could be as natural there as I am in real life, but more experience will most likely help with that.

Anyway, with the video I am making now, which is basically all about me being a borderline Apple sheep, I have to mention Drew in the video. I asked him today if that was ok, and it was! That made me so relieved and happy. Also inspired, and I could really use some of that now… Hopefully I’ll record the rest of the footage tomorrow and the edit will be finished before the week is over.

Now, to talk about the “being bored” part. In less then two weeks, I’m off to college. I can’t wait! I’ll go deep into Java programming during the school years and I hope that I’ll master every class and don’t find it too hard to learn. It would really make me sad if it turns out that I’m not made out to be a developer. Until college starts, I’m climbing the walls here because I am so bored. I just wanna start learning how to code!

The best part of my day is usually during the mornings, after my BF has gone off to work, because then I usually have at least an hour of awesome YouTube videos to watch. Those normally include Drew and Jon, but also many other Tech YouTubers who talk Apple products and other interesting stuff. When those videos are done being watched, I basically roll my thumbs all day long, surfing the web, trying to find more Youtube videos to watch, and I mostly succeed, but lately even that’s a struggle. I consider it a miracle that I can manage to spend my days and that the hours actually go by.

Today I was also thrilled that Drew went online with his daily Tech stream two hours or so earlier than usual. When the BF’s home it’s a bit easier as well for a while. As long as we eat dinner and watch a movie or a good show – everything is fine, then when that’s over it all starts again and I am bored out of my mind trying to find whatever I can do to. I really want school to start so I can focus on programming at least! I have to do something more or I’ll go nuts soon! If I haven’t already that is…

Only time will tell…

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Suddenly my current favorite song has a completely different meaning…

And my current favorite song is Thunder by Imagine Dragons. You can play it below if you have Spotify.

I love this song, for many reasons. The main one is the overall sound of it. I love the bass, the beat, the drums. I never really listened to the lyrics, but after I listened to the latest episode of #CreatorMindset by Jon Prosser, I was yet again moved by his words on how to be a better creator. This time I was inspired, instead of disappointed (or something). In my two last posts about being a YouTuber I contemplated stopping completely at being a creator on YouTube. Today I feel a bit different. I still wonder if I should upload my latest “non-masterpiece”, but I like what I’ve done, even though it’s far from the best. I might rewrite it and do a re-shoot, but we’ll see…

In the podcast, Jon said that the importance of what you create is not the content. It’s you. Why should people care about you? What makes your shit so special, in comparison with all other YouTubers? If a genre is in example here, Jon used Tech channels, since he’s got one himself. I, personally have no clue on what type of YouTuber I am. I want to make it all, it seems, but best is to have a theme. If that is the case I guess I’d like to make educational videos, but I have no idea on how I am supposed to make people care.

What’s special about me? Well, I’m a 36 year old woman, who hates being a woman as well. I suffer from Fibromyalgia and other illnesses. I want to become a “Whole Foods Plant Based” vegan. Now I’m just an unhealthy vegetarian with like 40+ lbs to lose. I want to lose weight and prove for others how it can be done if you’re as lazy as me and have disabilities standing in your way of success. I also want to become a developer, this late in life and I’ve been waiting for a Great Dane for over 20 years. I’ve been “poor” almost my entire adult life and I hate reading books and math is awful. I can’t climb trees, I’m afraid of the dumbest things, really and these days I seem to turn into a whole other person when I turn on the camera to make a video.

How can I make videos with all that in mind? If I take the song, Thunder in mind it sort of also explains a bit about myself. At least when I was younger. I was being bullied – for everything I did or said. Everything was wrong, even if it was the right thing for me. People loved to tease me, yet I couldn’t do much because back in those days you were supposed to be “a girl” and fit in no matter what. I did not fit in. I still do not really fit in and I love not fitting in. And I like to point that out in my creations. I am not like you, and I’m darn proud of it! Or something.

I am quite respected as a person these days and haven’t been bullied for like 15+ years now. I also do not feel most women feel, with all the feminist crap going on. I feel I get the respect I need and I hope it will be the same when I’m a developer. I don’t see a reason why that would change. If it did, it’s probably because of individual assholes who do not like me and I guess that’s fine? Eh, who cares… I’m getting off topic here.

Since I listened to the podcast, I’ve had a thousand different feelings rushing through my head. I’ve wanted to do a rant recording on why you should care about my crappy videos. But since most people wouldn’t watch anything I upload, why should a ranting video be any different?

I’ve noticed I have a style of doing videos. With the manuscripts I save so much time, with both editing and managing subtitles. The downside is that most of the time I look like a robot. At least these days. Look at these two videos below. Can you tell a difference on how much I’ve changed?

And here’s two years later:

On a positive note, the old video I really do see as a masterpiece of mine. Today, while writing this post I watched it again and I love it. That’s my true style of making Youtube videos. At least the somewhat educational ones.

The style of the videos I plan to make now are all the same. It’s like “my current life looks like this – but first a bit of annoying history”. I never really get to the point either. That’s something I know after I’ve re-read some of my newly made scripts that I plan to use sometimes. I am totally clueless, both when I write the scripts and when I do the shooting and editing. I forget so many things and I think I’m writing a masterpiece in the making that thousands of people will love. Nothing could be further from the truth. I make crap videos, that’s for sure!

I wonder if I’ll ever be able to go back, or at least get better at making YouTube videos. It would be so much fun if I could!

Now I wonder, what the fudge shall I do next?

A clarification on what I hope my future will look like.

After I wrote the blog post yesterday, I was completely blown away of the likes and retweets I got on Twitter. Also, I’m amazed at the number of readers and likes here on WordPress. Thanks, guys! One of the biggest things that happened was when I was writing the post yesterday and noticed that Jon, from FPT and the podcast #CreatorMindset actually replied to me on Twitter and even retweeted some of my stuff! That is heartwarming. Huge thank you to Jon, for that!

Anyways. I felt that I should continue this tiny success with another blog post, and clarify some more and also write a post with a happier feeling. Or some shit like that, at least…

As a creator, a blogger and a hopeful YouTuber I do have a vision of what I’d like to achieve. I bet we all have those visions. The difference is if we’ll be able to make them. For me, my vision won’t become true until I’ve got my Great Dane, or at least I know when I’ll be able to buy him. It is so clear in my head what I’d like to do when that day finally arrives. If I should mention it here, somebody might “steal” my idea, but I really don’t care about that. I just want to see it happen, is all. Actually, I’ve been waiting on a YouTube channel that will document the life of a Great Dane in every way that I plan to do it, but I’ve yet to seen it happen. The only channel that has come somewhat close was Honey the Great Dane who unfortunately has gone to the rainbow bridge… All the videos from Honey have been removed as well. A new channel has emerged, that might be a success as well, Finn the Great Dane along with Magic, his older “brother”. The really popular channel Max and Katie the Great Danes, upload videos frequently, but they’re only shorter videos, with low audio and basically the same clip over and over again. Unfortunately both Katie and Max has gone to the Rainbow bridge, but the channel seems to live on with a new sibling.

Actually, my future as a better YouTuber will most likely just contain videos recorded in HD, professionally edited and with the tiny details in mind. The video below gives you an example of what typical videos would look like, when there’s no talking involved.

I’d like to make great looking “vlogs”, training videos, talk about food, the importance of breeding dogs the right way, myths about Great Danes and other dog related myths. I’d like to make videos on how I teach my first Great Dane to be my service dog. If he’s able to come into work with me, I’ll show that. All while making it look as professional as possible. With professional, I mean that I’ll never record shaky video, vertical (horrible, awful vertical videos. Yuck!) and I’ll make sure the audio is great and that the footage will not be boring. When I do educational stuff, it should look professional as well, maybe with the help of a green screen?

My concept of vlogs is also not really the way people usually do it, like walking around holding their phone and showing stuff randomly. I might have sequences of that, but the whole vlog would most likely be me in front of a solid background talking about important stuff. Like a TLDR or something. Or like TomSka’s Content series. I hope that will be achievable someday.

Also, to be clear, I do not sit here and wish I could become a full-time YouTuber. No, way! Even if I would make it, I’d most likely do that as a spare-time thing. My real hopes and wishes regarding my future, is my future as a developer of some sorts. Whether it’s creating apps for a living, make software, making games or just work with CMS’s all day long – I don’t care! As long as I know I can work with something I’m passionate about, and also hopefully something I can be good at while making money and afford a Great Dane, I’m happy! That’s why I think that having the best of two worlds might be possible someday. While I’m waiting eagerly to get a Great Dane, I might be able to do videos like the channel sillysparrowness used to do on YouTube, before she lost access to her channel and stopped uploading. Those videos were great. Down below, there’s an example video of hers.

I’d like to do something similar, but in that case about me, learning to code as a somewhat disabled and “returning-to-school” person. For those of you who don’t know, I already have a bachelor’s degree in pedagogy. It took me 5 years to finish college, because of stupid teachers tearing my bachelor thesis apart. And it did not give me a job. Well, it’s not mainly due to the college program, it’s mainly due to my disability. I’ve applied for numerous job that I technically can have because of my degree, but since I haven’t worked that much and am sure that I can’t work full-time, nobody will even consider me. Also I’ve found out that I can never ever work full-time in any other business then IT business, so that’s why I’m going back to college and hope I can take my chances of working at least more than part time in the future.

To clarify something more, my last job, which also was my first real job – I got because of my personality and it was an adjusted work place, or whatever the term is. I worked at a non-profit organisation where most of the employees have some sort of disability. That place aims to make the world a better place for everybody, especially those with disabilities. It was great working there, but my job assignment was often way too simple for me and with my experience, my disabilities etc, I’ll probably never be able to get a more demanding (aka creative) job unless I switch careers. That’s why I’m going back to college, and I’ll know in a few weeks if I got in.

Until I’m there – I just hope for the best and during this time I’ll consider what kind of videos I should make, or if I should make any of them in the first place. The video about me being a border-line apple sheep is in the making and I’d really like to upload that one to YouTube. At least as a test, or a continuing experiment, but I might have to do some more editing until it’s ready for uploading.

Well, that’s it for now. Thanks for all the likes, retweets etc.

What the fudge am I supposed to do to get noticed around here…

I’ve been thinking about writing this blog post for a while now. At least for a week or something. In my crazy mind, that’s like forever or something, but it seems like, for total other reasons than my original thoughts, I have other reasons to write this blog post as well. I’m writing this with sadness, as well as hope, and I’ve got some people to thank and “blame” for that. But mostly thanks.

A post can take anything from a few minutes to write to several days depending on how much time I spend thinking about what I wanna write. As a blogger I write posts to get stuff out of my head. To make my head (or stupid brain) be quiet. I have found since I started blogging for real in 2009 that it’s basically the only thing that makes my brain go quiet and calm down. I have to write stuff down to not go totally nuts! That’s why blogging is a great tool for me. It’s my own personal therapist or something…

As a blogger, I have never really cared about how I write stuff or who I write it for. This goes for all my blogs I’ve had in the past, present or future. Even this one that actually has somewhat of a theme. As a blogger I basically start all my posts right at the top of my head. Then I just write. I write until I feel I’m finished with the post. I check everything, several times and change or add stuff if it’s needed. I add categories, perhaps a photo or a relevant video, I add some tags and then I post to social media platforms. Then I hope people will read it and learn something. These days people are caring less and less and I know why. It’s because of mistakes I made by changing blogging platforms too often, switching domains and web hotels as often as one would change his shirt and not having a proper theme. I never feel “finished”, because when I do feel that, I tend to change something anyways and I’m back to square one. Because of this I feel that those people who used to read my blogs a lot back in the day have started to put less faith in me, and therefore do not care as much as they used to. Really, that’s fine, but inside I’m desperate for readers, comments and maintaining a growing readership. Something that will probably never happen – until I have learned from my mistakes for real. I always think that day is today. But it’s never that easy…

As a YouTuber, I should probably never even have started creating videos. I’ve probably mentioned this way too many times already, but for a little history lesson – I’ll update you as best as I can for now. Basically I’ve uploaded and created so many videos I do not know where to start. I started the first channel in 2009 or something like that and managed to gather quite a little following. A following that wasn’t enough for me. And then we’re talking like 100+ subs! So I quit. Erased the channel. Stopped uploading. Went quiet. Until somewhere around 2011. then I started a new channel again. Less people cared, even though I spent a lot of time editing those videos and coming up with “amazing” ideas for videos. So I quit. Erased the channel. Stopped uploading. Went quiet. Until somewhere around a year later and then the cycle continues.

Where I am now I can consider myself being a realistic Epic Failure or something. I know where I went wrong, but I don’t know how to fix it. It didn’t help that I managed to create a bunch of videos about the Inman Aligner treatment that got me a lot of views and some new subscribers, only to change the theme of the channel completely too many years to soon. Instead of having a general “bad vlogging” channel about dentistry, I changed it to be all about Great Danes. That’s a dream of mine I’ve had since YouTube came along, but there’s never been a Great Dane in my life I can call my own. And now, since sometime last year or so there won’t be until I’m like a full-time employee as a system developer, which will take at least 3 more years until that will happen.

When I realized that I won’t be getting a Great Dane now, both my current channels died out and I haven’t really done anything to them, until recently. I figured that I’d at least upload general videos about “whatever” to my current “main” channel, but I guess I changed my mind again. And this I’ve done for a great reason, I guess.

I’ve recently started to listen to a lot of podcasts. I find this hobby of mine to be somewhat of a miracle, since my brain can never focus hard enough to read a book instead, but listen in on interesting conversations seems to be a lot easier. That’s why I like listening to podcasts now. Especially after having an iPhone because iTunes is simply the best service for podcasts in my view! And also because I’ve become somewhat obsessed with Tailosive Tech and other related channels like Front Page Tech and Painfully Honest Tech etc…

Today I listened to the newly created Creator Mindset, that’s made by Jon Prosser from the YouTube channel Front Page Tech. Holy shit, did I learn something. It made me sad when I listened to it, but also even more realistic. To be clear, I’ve never intended for blogging or making YouTube videos a thing that I could make money from. If that would ever happen, I’d probably do a whole lot of sponsorships, use Patreon instead of Adsense, sell merch etc. However, like I’ve stated before in this post, I am a blogger and a bad YouTuber who “never learns from my mistakes”. Or at least not let other people know that that’s true or something. I get the feeling that viewers and readers do not trust me.

I’m starting to feel like a stalker or some shit, but I can’t help loving the content I’m watching from so many awesome tech channels these days. It’s basically no wonder why I feel so obsessed with these tech YouTubers. It’s because I feel a connection to them. They have opinions and keep discussions in a way that’s similar to mine. They’re not scared of having opinions. They’re funny guys as well. I mean, I’m in heaven whenever I watch or listen to their stuff! Even though I’m probably old enough to be Drew’s mother or something like that… It’s thanks to them I got motivated and kept the strength I needed to get a passing grade in math during the spring of 2018. Drew, taught me to look at technology from another perspective and respect it. Jon, from FPT made me realize and confirm that it’s ok to be friends with people who have different opinions. Painfully Honest Tech creates videos, even though he’s not in his twenties…

This specific blog have gotten a few followers, and I’m so thankful for that. If I’m lucky I can get like 7-10 readings of a post. But then – when I do not write, the blog is absolutely dead. I mean 0 views when I’m not writing a post. Sometimes it can go weeks before I write something, and if I’ve been lucky in between those posts, I might have 3 readers, but none from Google searches and basically I’ve gotten one comment since I started this blog. I wonder why that is, but I know that it’s because I suck at basically everything that Jon said in that podcast of his. I wonder where my readers are, where my YouTube viewers are. Where my comments are. I’ve done this for years, mind you! Nagged and nagged until I’ve gotten blue in the face. And with each single post or whining about this crap, people have started to care less and less. With their equal and fully right to do so. So I’ve stopped doing that, the nagging that is. It hasn’t really helped my content get noticed, though… But it sure helped my mind to focus more on how to be a better blogger.

Basically only my closest friends and family follows my blogs on Facebook. I rarely get readers from outside my IRL friends. People on YouTube and perhaps other platforms are still expecting update videos about the Inman Aligner, when I’ve made several videos stating that my other channel will only be about Great Danes from now on. People don’t seem to get it. And now I get it…

It’s basically impossible to “become famous” or whatever the term you might use is, if you only do stuff for yourself. I get why I have to and need to blog about my thoughts, because I do need to do that. The price I have to pay for that is that nobody cares, or if they do, they do not let me know how I helped them get better at something. I know that I will only become “famous” or get noticed in bigger circle the day I have a proper theme. On YouTube that will be the day when I know my future first Great Dane is on the way. I might not be a big channel, but my bar is low. Even if I’d reach just a little bit more, I’d be satisfied. At least for now. If I’m being realistic I know that there’s less chance to make it no matter what, but I don’t care. I really want to be a creator – in so many ways.

I personally think that I create masterpieces, but those masterpieces are only masterpieces in my head, because they haven’t led to any kind of success. When I make YouTube videos, I’m doing it for two reasons. One – because I want to make them for myself, because I like the process (editing and writing manuscripts is so much fun!). Two – because I hope that people will learn something, be inspired or at least start to care about other people’s point of view. Hey, my tagline is generally “I like to make people think”. But no matter what I try to do – only I care about my creations in the end. And I guess that’s fine?

So, my dilemma as of now is – what do I do next? I have a YouTube video in the making about my current life as a border line Apple sheep, but after listening to Jon’s podcast – I’m reconsidering if it’s even worth uploading. Chances are nobody will care about it. I will make up half the views by just spending time on making subtitles. If I spend “that much time” and I’ll get nothing back for it – then it probably means I’m not good enough for YouTube. And I guess that’s fine? It makes me sad and angry that I am currently in this situation. My mistakes got me to this situation. If I’d sit tight and just kept my original channel and kept uploading content, I might have had thousands of subscribers by now and I might have even been one of the “bigger ones” on YouTube. Making videos could even be considered an income on the side, if I’d play my cards right, but instead I kept making mistakes and now when I really seem to care – it’s too late?

I know that my last video was garbage. The next one probably is too. The third one and probably every single thing I upload in the future will be a bunch of crap, but that’s life. I have basically never been good at anything. The things I am “good at” don’t really mean anything. Not in a professional life, because my “skills” haven’t gotten me a job because of it. I’m great at speaking in front of people. Making speeches. I’m like fluent in English, even though I’m Swedish. I’m funny and I make people laugh. I basically always have a different opinion then most common folk. I am not afraid of having an opinion.

I’ve always had a busy mind, but I’ve never been able to draw, write a book, make a successful YouTube video. I’ve been on TV, on auditions, and I’ve sung in front of millions of people watching. But I’m no singer. I can’t sing for shit. So I’ve stopped doing that. I haven’t officially sung a song in like 10 years or something. I realized I can’t sing, so that’s why I stopped doing that, even though I loved singing back in the day.

Basically everything I’ve ever loved doing, I suck at. Basically everything that’s more useful – I find boring or too challenging. I can’t sing. Can’t draw. Can’t code (yet). Can’t make useful YouTube videos. Can’t make people love my writing etc. Can’t do shit… But I’m sort of ok with that. It’s not only that I can’t do shit. In most cases, I have physical and mental blockages that stops me from doing these things. I can’t do anything really about those. I did not choose to be born with illnesses and be disabled the way I am.

However, I want to express my thanks and gratitude for listening to that Podcast Jon made. It really made me think and evaluate what’s important. Is it important for me to be a famous blogger? Be known on YouTube as the GreatDaneManiac and get recognized on the streets because my channel is so awesome? Well, not really.

The only thing I want and have wanted for years is a Great Dane, a stable income with a passionate job and a loving partner. I have the last thing❤️, but my 20+ years longing for a Great Dane is more my life story than anything else. The only real job I’ve ever had just ended, and it was not a secure job either, so having a Great Dane while working there would only have ended in misery… It’s hard to make continuous videos about that. Not to mention blog posts. That’s why I’ve sort of stopped, because I can’t really spend time on stuff that nobody besides me cares about.

I do have a clear vision of what my future as a somewhat successful YouTuber would look like. If I can achieve that someday, I know I’ll make it, but it will take something I do not have in my possession today. First of all I’d need a Great Dane. Then only time will tell.

Maybe it will be different the day I start college again? Maybe then I’ll make videos on what it’s like to study software development as a disabled student? Maybe everything will be ok when I can finally afford getting a Great Dane and I start documenting in a really professional way what it’s like to live with a Great Dane… Nobody on YouTube have yet to manage that. I’d like to be the first one! I have really no idea, but until then – I think I’ll stop making any kind of YouTube creations because I do not think I’m made for it anyway. At least not the way things are right now.

No matter what people I know IRL says to me about my mad skills…

Vertical Videos are the worst🙄🤦🏻‍♀️, but IGTV might be the solution…

For those who know me personally, or have read my blog posts for years know that I really dislike Vertical Videos (VV or VVS for short). It might, in my opinion be the worst thing about having smartphones and every “Idiot” having a camera in their pocket. It’s also only getting worse. I remember when VV started to become a thing, back in like 2012 or something. Then people screamed like crazy and wondered what the fudge was wrong with people. YouTube channels made videos after video, asking people to turn their phone 90 degrees and that kept going for years. And then I guess it all went silent. Instead of 8 people out of 10 screaming their heads off about recording videos vertically, 9 out of 10 people now gladly or preferably record vertical videos instead. It’s horrible!

I’ve always said, that if I ever got an iPhone, I’d be like one (of the other 10 or so) out of thousands, or millions of people using iOS that would ALWAYS record in landscape mode, and I am keeping this promise. If not for everybody else, then at least for my own sanity. I find that hilarious and of course I know I’m exaggerating. Its at least a thousand people with iPhones who think like I do in this matter 😂. Ok, jokes aside, but vertical videos are no joke for me. I really fricking hate it! Ok, I’ve calmed down a bit these past years. Instead of nagging and complaining to people to stop record vertically, I’ve instead tried my best to avoid watching videos that are recorded in that horrible manner. Unfortunately the problem is getting bigger everyday and I’ve actually had to force myself to accept that my friends, family members and even my BF records a lot of vertical video. The reason as to why I’ve stopped complaining to them is because it’s useless and I’m sick and tired of turning my arguments into a meaningless fight or something. People still just doesn’t get it!

They say, that’s it’s easier to hold that way. We always use our phones like that, so why not record that way? “Isn’t that the way you’re supposed to record videos on smartphones?”. And the list goes on and on. Well, if it’s so hard for you to hold your phone in landscape mode – get a gimble! Buy a selfie stick! Problem solved! It also doesn’t help when I watch movies or TV series where people record vertically and the video still comes out in landscape mode. That’s not good at all… It’s a straight out lie when I see that in movies etc. I get that it might be meaningless to complain if the video is only meant to be shared locally on your phone, or at least mainly to be watched on your phone if the video is shared on other platforms, but I still see a huge problem with vertical videos. The only time I might accept it (but not really) is maybe if somebody records a close-up video of the Eiffel Tower or something, but then it’s probably possible to record in a different angle and still get the whole view. Buy a wide lense or something! Problem solved. There’s just so much you’re missing when watching a video if it is recorded vertically. Now, for photos I do not complain, because photos are… well, photos! You can and we have watched photos in “portrait” mode or whatever since forever. Portrait photos in vertical ways or whatever are still a problem sometimes, especially if used in blog posts. That’s because then the image is cropped, or just looks weird when a blog post is shared to Facebook, G+ or some other platform. At least for now, so I try to avoid using portrait photos in my blog posts. They’re fine to watch however on whatever platform there is, but videos recorded vertically really freaks me out, even if I do not say anything about it. I’ve simply just stopped bothering people about it, but we, the rebels have lost the battle. Hopefully we haven’t lost the war on vertical videos!

Personally, and for good reason – I do not use any platform that provide vertical videos. By that I mean I do not use that service on Facebook, called stories. I do not use the Instagram version. I have a Snapchat account, but I only got that because a friend of mine told me that it was possible to record landscape videos, but that turned out to be a lie or something. I do not blame my friend for that, I blame SnapChat! Now, Instagram has come out with IGTV, short for Instagram TV. It’s a platform made for vertical videos. To this I say both “Great” as well as “Oh noes!”. Its great in the way that now we have a video platform for all those who love vertical videos. Its great, because then we might see a whole lot less of that crap on YouTube or other video platforms. It is a bad thing because it means that vertical video recording is growing and won’t stop, and that is a thing I really dislike. I shall personally try and avoid using that service at all cost!

Now, if you’ve ever watched the linked video above from Glove and Boots, and you’ve seen the presentation from Instagram, there is a hilarious clip in there that is just too funny not to comment on. In the video from Glove and Boots, they have a character with vertical eyes. He says he loves vertical video, and why wouldn’t he? He’s got vertical eyes FFS! Instagram stole that clip, but the point made from Glove and Boots is like the total opposite of what Instagram is trying to achieve here. That’s how I see it, at least…

Vertical videos look horrible. Always! When they are shared on Facebook for example, they’re often pixelated and never in HD. You miss like 66% of all the action when you record or watch it, even if it’s just for a few seconds. That goes even if it’s your pet you’re trying to record. I wanna see it all! Not just the nose on your dog… I don’t care if the phone is easier to hold like that! When you record video, you do it in landscape mode. Please. Just please. FFS!

Even if you do not care, there might be others who feel awful and can’t enjoy the video fully if it’s been recorded in such an awful way. I don’t even understand how it’s even possible to record vertically. I never have! It should have been banned by the phone makers from the start! In the beginning, however Android phones within the camera app, told people to record in landscape mode, but that only lasted for like 6 months or something and nobody cared. Now I even think Google themselves promotes vertical videos whenever possible. I’ve seen special TV’s at train stations with vertical commercials on them, as the screen is also vertical. It is such a mess! But I guess I have to learn to live with this awfulness.

Maybe someday people will wake up and realise that VV is absolutely horrible and does not belong in any situation, but that’s just utopia or something… I know it will never happen. It is far more likely that we will go to the movies and watch vertical films instead within 10 years. With huge black bars on the side, or a 300 feet high ceiling where everybody gets a stiff neck at the end of the movie. Soon Netflix and other streaming platforms will make TV series in vertical video format. Soon, it might be impossible to even record or do anything in landscape and there we will be. Watching, missing 66% of everything, just because that’s life or some shit like that.

I am not looking forward to that. Are you?

Great… The YouTube shooter is a female vegan. Now what?

This thing is going viral as of now, and for like the first time ever I’m actually writing (or blogging) about news, instead of being years or months behind a big news event. This post is primarily about the YouTube shooting that happened yesterday in California, but maybe also about the recent news regarding Facebook’s scandal that also happened.

The shooter is a woman called Nasim Aghdam who recently gotten fed up with the new YouTube’s new policies and problems with demonetizing videos. I have never seen her videos before, as far as I can remember, but it’s a sad story in many ways.

On her channels, she made videos about veganism, animal rights etc. That is great, but in this case, it sucks that she was vegan. That’s because people tend to categorize people in a bad way when something like this happens. It’s like if a killer turns out to have autism, and then society goes nuts and gets scared of everybody on the autism spectrum, even though practically all of them are as “normal” as you are. It all goes away eventually, but it’s sad and even more horrible when people and society in general see an action like this as a “vegan and crazy” attack on YouTube instead of ONE individual’s opinions and actions. I, myself do my very best not to put people in groups like that, and I believe that I see individuals more than groups of people or culture. If a person does something, towards me or others that’s generally considered a bad thing, like rape, murder, burning somebody’s house down etc, I do not get pissed at “terrorists”, vegans or whomever the group is considered to be. I look at the individual’s action and nowhere else. However, I always speculate in the cause of the actions that took place.

It is not fair for anybody on YouTube to have their videos de-monetized. It is not right for anybody to get raped, robbed or killed etc. But I do not blame YouTubers or vegans for this action. Nasim did this (as far as we know) and it is her action alone and reasoning that did this. Could it have been prevented? Sure. YouTube has been acting weird lately for many YouTubers out there and that’s just not cool. Just like Facebook with their latest data-scraping scandal or whatever I should call it.

However I firmly believe that murder is never the answer.

Society will change no matter what, even though it might take a while longer sometimes with the more important and better things. Like a universal basic income (or  maybe even a world without money?) or a world filled with vegans, where every living creature will live a healthier life with less worry over other things. That would be lovely. It’s sad that she had to die and shoot others in order to spread her opinions…

Ok, shall we talk about Facebook, then?

First of all I am not surprised. I’ve basically known from the beginning that Facebook has serious issues with privacy for their users. Still, I choose to continue using it. The main reason for that is that life as I know it would be really frickin’ boring without it. Here’s the history:

I, personally have also chosen to live my adult life very far away from my roots. I was born in Stockholm, Sweden. My parents are from a place called Härjedalen, which is even further north in this cold country. I now live in Malmö, but I’ve chosen to live in the southern parts of Sweden since 2001. Especially in Skåne, which is the most southern part. I have a huge network of family and friends that has spread throughout the country because of this and no matter what, I’d never move back to Stockholm. Not even if I got a million dollars. I’d never do it willingly. I moved away from there because of mainly two things. The attitude of the people living there and the weather. Many people in Stockholm have a view of life that really differs from mine. It’s like they really do not accept anybody who does not have an iPhone or is generally a bit different from themselves. But I’m also exaggerating a bit here. I love my family and friends I have over there, but generally I feel like the attitude thing is real. I do not like that.

There is also a hidden reason for why I left, and that’s the accent that is spoken there. I do not like it, and I used to speak like that as well, but as I kept growing up I kept feeling that I feel more like a person with a different accent than the one in Stockholm. I choose therefore to talk with a southern Swedish accent instead of the one I was born with. I speak skånska. For people that speak English, I sound like a french person or something like that, because there are a lot of similarities with that language, and the accent itself is very inspired of the french. It is also very related to the Danish language, but not as much as one would think. If you understand Swedish, you can read more about it here.

Ok, going back to Facebook then. I actually deleted my FB account in 2011, when Google+ arrived. I basically instantly felt a loss with all the friends and family that did not choose to use G+ instead of Facebook, which was basically everybody on my friends list. I eventually went back and I have been using FB daily since then. As of now, and this has been true for like 3 years now, Facebook is actually a lot more fun that G+. Google Plus is dying and it is only a matter of time before Google will let that place go. It has a lot of users, sure, but the interaction is basically non existent for many users now. It is so boring and I have sort of given up on the place. I’ve chosen to only post blog posts there and nothing else, because no matter what I post, people do not care. I could basically stop using G+ and nobody would miss me  or notice I’m gone, and that’s fine. But I’ll keep using it until Google calls it quits and that’s that.

Social media is a must for me. It’s so much fun, even though it generates very little traffic to my blogs and YouTube channels. I have also basically stopped using Instagram as well. I post a picture there from time to time, but I’ve stopped going in there to look at my feed. That’s because during the fall of 2017, everything sort of became a bit too much and I decided that at least one of the social media accounts had to be “let go” or something like that. Instagram was the one, but I basically treat G+ the same as well. It’s enough to visit G+ like once every other day, because it takes that long to let the feed become useful enough to read. I’ve basically also stopped giving plus’s to people’s posts. I do not get the interaction back anyways, so why bother? I know that I’m boring on G+, so I have it coming, but many people say the same as me. Therefore a lot of people on G+ have started adding each other on Facebook instead. It’s pretty funny. I also use Facebook a lot at work. Their groups are great, and I personally manage 4 FB pages for my blogs and websites. I also used to manage many of the work’s FB pages as well, but I do not do that any longer.

Ok, so I won’t stop using Facebook and I will not get angry at fellow YouTubers for being disappointed at YouTube for demonetizing their videos, but I will not accept murder and reckless shootings.

What about you?

More about vegan terminology…

After my post I wrote about vegan terminology I felt that even though I said a lot, I have even more to say about it. First of all, is it really that important to use the terminology for everything? I mean, if you’re a meat eater, you generally do not have a term for it. You just eat food and probably do not care about where it comes from, if you eat an animal like a cow or a pig or that your shampoo has been tested on animals as well. I mean – who cares, right? The same thing should also apply if you’re vegetarian in some shape or form. As long as you eat a certain vegan-ish way that should mean that everything is fine, right?

Life was certainly a lot easier back then when I knew nothing about my food. I just ate it and felt as good as I possibly could, even though I’ve been sort of sick my whole life fro fibromyalgia, IBS and the like. I did not think about the consequences that my food choice made on the planet or my health. It was just food. Today it is so different and I’m not perfect, but today I think it is really important to use words correctly in order to not mislead or confuse people. Especially since so many people still do not care about what they eat and how it affects health, animals and our planet. That is why terminology is important to me, and why the term for vegan(ism) has to change.

What I have learned now, going back since like 2012 when I first got to know a vegan personally and watched documentaries like forks over knives has really changed my life. I have learned that us humans are somewhere between herbivores and frugivores, that animal agriculture is the leading cause alone to climate change. I’ve also learned that it is possible to reverse a lot of diseases and prevent basically every single one of them as well by eating a healthy vegan diet. That is why I feel that the correct information regarding all of this needs to get out there, even though I am not yet a vegan by its terminology. Like you’ve probably read – I’m vegetarian that consumes eggs, dairy and sometimes honey. And I’m lazy and eat a lot of processed crap! But I’m striving towards being vegan someday and I hope it will be possible for me to be a vegan within 5 years or so. By the end of 2018 I at least hope I’ll have the habit of being a somewhat semi-vegan eating primarily WFPB for health reasons, but if I’m being realistic that will only work for weeks or maybe a few months at the time since I’m so lazy and have like zero energy most days. But I’m trying my best!

Anyways, on with the post. What I wanted to write about today is more about the whole thing of not being vegan enough. Like it is against the law to call yourself vegan if you do not do it for the animals. I AM SO SICK OF THAT!!! Like I mentioned in my earlier post, I base being vegan on what you eat, regardless if you eat WFPB or vegan junk food or perhaps a mix of both. YOU ARE VEGAN IF YOU EAT VEGAN FOOD!

The main reason I wanted to say something more about this whole thing that’s going on is because it feels like if you are only (and I mean only) vegan for the animals, that would mean that lab grown meat is your ultimate goal. Because then you could eat meat without worrying about the animals. Since it’s coming from real animal flesh and muscles and bones, but no animals had been killed or hurt in the process – you’d all go back to eating meat when there is a final product out there, right? Because – who cares when no animals are killed or hurt, right? Meat is vegan if no animals were hurt or killed for it, right? Even though meat is defined as an animal product? It has to be vegan if no animals were hurt or killed in the process, right? It is only vegan if you think about the animals, right? And if you are vegan for the animals you do not think about your own health, because there is no need to, right? If you are vegan, you cannot possibly also eat healthy foods as well, because then you’d be plant based and never considered being vegan, right?

I think that is such wrongness to use the word vegan for. It makes me feel like you think of cows like walking carrots with feelings. Don’t get me wrong, I have heard people say this, and regard animals as plants, when the food (or animal) itself is not being anywhere vegetarian. An animal is defined as an animal and plants are defined as plants. At least I know that much. You can combine the two and eat a somewhat omnivorous diet, but as being a vegetarian, still consuming eggs and dairy it is important to know that the animal products are still animal products. They complement the plant foods you’re eating. The egg is not a vegetarian product, nor is the dairy. By saying that, it’s totally fine to eat like an omelette if you’re vegetarian, but that does not mean you’re eating plants by just consuming the omelette. See what I mean?

People for real counts eggs as being a fruit or something, fish and chickens for beings without emotions and dairy as a magical formula that just pours out of the cows for no reason that we as humans also must consume to help save the cows. All vegetarian, of course if you’d consider yourself being one. Like, WTF?!

Ok, you might think I’m overreacting here and I wish I was, but I’ve thought about this for a while now and I’m only getting more angry over the whole thing. The video linked above to GojiMan on YouTube enhanced these feelings for me even more. He says in the video that it’s great to be vegan for the animals (and I agree), but he ultimately concludes (or something) that all vegans who do it for the animals only eat junk food. That cannot possibly be right? I think talking about veganism in that matter only makes the whole thing about “you’re not vegan enough” crap that’s spreading like wildfire on YouTube, especially, a whole lot worse.

Let’s get one thing straight, though… I know there are so called junk food vegans out there and that is totally fine. I also am well aware about the Plant Based movement as well, but to automatically suggest or claim that vegans can only call themselves vegan if they ONLY do it for the animals is so sickening and it is not helping the vegan movement at all. Of course it is really important to think about the animals when you’re discussing or talking about veganism or vegetarianism. It matters! Their lives matters! But our health matters as well and so does the planet’s health. So it is important to go vegan for all reasons and to relax and accept all vegans for their reasons to go vegan. As long as they eat vegan food, everything should be fine but apparently it is not. Like WTF?! I also think it’s fine (like I’m trying to do) to take your time to get rid and switch the animal products in your home in the time and manners that suit you. Like switching to vegan/cruelty-free make-up products and shampoo and next time you need to buy a new sofa, you do not buy a leather one. Just because you go vegan (for whatever reason)doesn’t mean you have to change everything over night. It can be a process over time. And that’s fine! The most important thing is to start with what you’re eating and eat vegan defined foods.

As another example, I watched this video yesterday or something and I think it’s like pure harassment that people who are vegans (for the animals, of course 😉 ) hate her and say that she can’t call herself vegan because she’s doing it for other reasons than the animals? I mean, WTF?! Ok, in the video she says that she sometimes eat fish, like on Christmas eve or something and a few other days of the year. Otherwise she eats vegan. I’d personally call her a semi-vegan and I understand her reasons for making it easy when she orders stuff in restaurants to say she’s vegan, because she primarily eats like that 99% of the year. At least that’s how I interpreted her. I might be wrong. What is wrong is other vegans hating on her because she does not do it for the animals! It is so crazy. She says herself in the video that nobody cared when she ate meat, but when she’s vegan – but not for the animals, then there is war!

I don’t know… it is all so silly. I wish that things will go back to normal and being vegan – no matter for what reasons is ok, and that it is okay as well to be a junk food vegan or being a healthy WFPB eater. Thinking that the vegan word does not only have to mean it’s all about the animals will do a whole lot more for the vegan movement I think in the long run. Being a vegan ultimately starts with your diet!

What about you?

Vegan terminology.

I think I have to write about veganism and what I think of the terms in using plant based eating, morale and ethics. My personal view might not match other people’s view of being vegan, vegetarian or any other term used when regards to eating primarily plants. The inspiration for this post came from this video below from the great YouTube channel Footsoldier. He does great videos about a “vegan” who’s called herself Unnatural Vegan (UV for short) on YouTube and she is really (in my world and others) really, frickin’ unnatural and I do not believe for one second that she actually is vegan. Footsoldier says she’s a shill for the meat industry, and he might be right. Something does not add up here. Anyways… Let’s get on with the post – but watch the linked video below, first.

My opinions regarding this mess:

I am a lacto-ovo vegetarian. That means I do not consume any kind of animal based meat, but I do consume dairy products and egg products. I eat honey(rarely, do not like it), but some lacto-ovo vegetarians might choose not to. I do not eat gelatin, but it’s very easy to miss it since it’s mostly found in candy and medicine. Many people refer being vegetarian as being lacto and/or ovo vegetarian, so if I just write vegetarian from now on in this post, that is what I’m referring to. Not being vegan.

A vegan in my book can be a vegan for many reasons. For the animals, for health, for the planet. No matter what – I personally agree with saying that your vegan if you do it for these different kinds of reasons. Anything is fine, really. If you are considered a vegan, that means in my very personal book of terminology, that you do not eat any kind of animal products. However, I am a bit unclear regarding if honey is considered vegan or not. My closest vegan friend consumes it (as far as I know) an still calls herself vegan, and that’s fine in my book. A vegan for me is based on what you eat. If you’d like to add to that, that you do not buy any animal products of any kind, you don’t go to the circus, or have leather shoes etc – that’s fine too. In my book, you’re still vegan – because you eat vegan foods and not any animal products. You’re still vegan. You are also still vegan if you still use your leather sofa at home, because you bought it when you were not vegan, and you are still vegan if you use a shampoo with animal products in them or they have been tested on animals. Remember, I’m basing veganism on what you eat, not your moral beliefs.

Being plant based is a term that’s come up lately as well. It’s mainly for those people who “just eat vegan”, but might care or do less in regards for the animals. In my book, I call these people vegan – because they are vegan. At least according to me. It’s fine to call them vegan, and not just “Plant Based”. If you’re eating a WFPB (Whole Food Plant Based) diet, which is the healthiest kinds of diets, than that’s great – but I’d still consider you being vegan. There should not be any shame in that. However, many people refrain from calling themselves vegan because they are never “vegan enough” according to some people. My reasons for saying this is explained in this very long “documentary” from VegSource that you see below:

In this video, we’ll get to know the history behind veganism and it actually began with just eating a vegan diet. Aka, just food from plants. The animal rights part came much later and today veganism is defined as:

Veganism is a way of living which seeks to exclude, as far as is possible and practicable, all forms of exploitation of, and cruelty to, animals for food, clothing or any other purpose.

If you consider yourself being vegan for the reasons in the quote above (fetched from The Vegan Society), then that’s fine too. You’re vegan. Congrats!

Vegan vs. cruelty-free.

There are many products out there (or practices) that call them self vegan. Lab grown meat, just to mention something new. In my view – any kind of meat derived from animals is not vegan, since it’s real meat. However, I’d consider that being cruelty-free instead, since no animals have to die in order for us to get meat. It’s a great way to get meat, without hurting animals and destroying the planet in the process. I also believe that any kind of lab-grown meat should primarily be used as pet food, since cats and dogs + other pets we might own are carnivorous and should not eat carbohydrates. I am of the opinion that humans are herbivores. Not omnivores!

The impossible burger and the beyond burger is vegan, because they are derived from plants. So is any other normal vegan product that label themselves vegan, such as soy patties. Some quorn products are not vegan, because they contain egg. They are ovo-vegetarian. It also says so on the package. Another amazing company that is trying to change the world into becoming perfect (for being a lazy, somewhat unhealthy vegan) is Perfect Day. They’re trying to make dairy products without the cow. Not like any other dairy substitute either, like soy milk. Nope, these people are creating dairy milk that acts, looks and tastes like the real thing and they’re doing it with yeast. It’s absolutely amazing. If it will be healthier than original dairy products remains to be seen, but it sure will help with many people going vegan.

The one thing keeping me from going vegan for real is dairy products. In Sweden we have something called Creme Fraiche. It’s like sour cream, but fattier and tastier. Creme Fraiche and heavy cream keeps me from going vegan, basically because today there are no products that replicates the taste and the function of the original made-from-cow dairy products that we consume today. Oatly has an iFraiche, but it is way to sweet and taste like apples. I do not like. I do love their cooking cream, iMat and their yoghurts.

Vegans who consumes any kind of animal based product on a regular basis, like eggs (vegg-ans? such crazy shit!) or meat because of a mistake the restaurant made are not vegans. So called vegg-ans that eat eggs sometimes are in my book ovo-vegetarians (or semi-vegans). If you’re considering yourself to be a vegan, but sometimes knowingly eat animal products (like for the explanations in the video with UV and Footsoldier), I’d call you a Semi-vegan. Or an “off and on” vegan. If you’ve by mistake consumed meat products, I’d still call you vegan, because you did not know you were eating animal products. The difference is if you knowingly eat animal products or not.

It’s also perfectly fine to have a laid-back attitude towards being vegan. For example, if you momentarily share a spoon or a fork with somebody who just ate animal products (without clear animal products being on the fork), it’s not the end of the world. I myself have a laid-back attitude on being vegetarian. That means, for me that I’m nice to meat eaters and I do my best to spread the word of veganism without shoving it down their throats or complain about their bad habits of still eating animal products. I also do my best to not spread false information, unlike UV on Youtube.

A Semi-vegan is a person who eats vegan, but sometimes rarely consumes animal products. Whether it’s a steak once a month, or some Christmas ham every year, or even eats lacto-ovo a couple times a month, I’d call you a Semi-vegan. I myself earlier this year could practically call my self a semi-vegan, because I ate like 95% vegan for many weeks in a row. My weeks back then were based on vegan breakfasts and lunches and sometimes the dinners contained a tiny amount of cheese, milk and/or egg products.

I wish I could go back to eating that way, because it made me loose weight without doing any real exercise. Eating that way, I basically without hassle ate around at least 40-60 grams of fiber per day! A typical day looked like this:

  • Oatmeal for breakfasts with berries or granola with vegan yoghurt. Around 15 grams of fiber per serving.
  • Lentil Stew with various veggies and spices. At least 20 grams of fiber per serving.
  • Vegggie packed dinner, like roasted root vegetables with oumph, potaoes and a sauce with tiny amounts of dairy and/or eggs. At least 25 grams of fiber per serving.
  • Snacks during the day were based on fruits (sometimes dried) or berries. At least 10 grams of fiber per serving.

I have since then put back on a few inches around the waist, since I’ve gone back to eating a lot more dairy and egg products, but I’ve gone down a pant-size. My goal is always to eat as much WFPB as possible, but it’s hard when you do not have the energy required to cook the food in the first place. Being vegetarian is also so easy, and especially being an unhealthy one since there’s dairy and eggs in like every packaged food out there. If I’d go vegan, I’d probably by default become much healthier and I’d eat more plants, because you’re basically forced to, even though there are plenty of unhealthy vegan options out there.

Being a semi-vegan is also a huge goal. I’d love it if I could eat basically all of my breakfasts, lunches and dinners vegan. Heavily focused on being Whole Foods Plant Based, packed with fiber and all the nutrients, and still have cheat days, where it’s ok to eat cheese, candy and chocolate milk that contain dairy and/or eggs.

There are many different kinds of terms you could use if you’re somewhere on the plant-based-eating-spectrum. Now you know a little bit more of where I stand.

And I’ll continue writing about this later. No matter if nobody reads my blog or not!

 

Veganism – the series | What I shall be writing about

In my last post, I told all of my 2 readers that I am a vegetarian and that I plan on doing a series of posts and hopefully also videos about veganism. This is the first post in the series, and we shall see how successful I’ll be about this whole thing.

First of all, I shall be doing a somewhat intro, or perhaps go deeper in to why I’m doing this. I shall also do a post or perhaps more about how to spread the message about veganism (and also how NOT to do it!). I shall try and link to research, YouTube videos that explains all of my points a whole lot more and also other links that could be useful.

Regarding videos, I really do not know what I should do yet, but I guess that all the videos and the blog post will be basically the same, or at least have similar topics. I shall do the videos on my other channel, since I will not be doing videos about Great Danes just yet. Unless a miracle happens and I get rich.

If the videos get somewhat popular, I might start vlogging about “what I eat in a day” or start making recipe videos. It all depends on if I get 10 views or maybe a steady view of thousands…

Also – today I created a Facebook page. Follow me there to get all the new videos and blog posts in your feed!

I’m vegetarian.

Yes. It’s true. I’ve been one, very successfully as well since december 1st 2016. I haven’t really gone public with it until just a few months ago on my swedish personal blog, but all people I meet have known it from basically day 1, since I do not longer choose to consume meat. I do however consider myself a so called “lacto-ovo” vegetarian, because I still consume dairy and egg products. I’d still consume honey as well, but since I’m not a fan of that, I do not eat that much. If I should take a guess, I only eat honey if it’s in a piece of candy or a baked cake. I do not like it by itself and I prefer stevia in my tea.

To be honest, since we moved into Malmö and got ourselves settled I’ve started to really take charge of my eating habits and I can basically call myself a semi-vegan these days. My breakfasts and lunches are almost always vegan and dinner rarely consists of large volumes of milk and egg products. The dairy is like a little from cheese sometimes, or perhaps from a sauce made with milk instead of a plant based option. The eggs are like barely non existing and usually comes from some processed product like a ready made sauce. Real eggs from the store we basically never buy. Perhaps once a year and that’s fine with me.

However, these past few weeks, I hurt my back. I got lumbago according to the dictionary. I don’t know if it’s the correct term, but wtf. Who cares? I hurt my back. Yet another thing that sucks with having this particular body. Fibromyalgia, being overweight, having IBS is not enough. No, I have to have a stiffness that cannot be regulated, I don’t know how to relax it either and I sit like a beanbag or something. I also rarely stand up, move around or walk as much as I should. And because of me being sedentary deluxe – I get lumbago as well. Yet another thing to fix. And fix it I have done my best to do, or something. I’ve had the pains for over two weeks, but it’s basically ok now. It only hurts when I move my body a certain way, like bending my knees while keeping my back straight. This is also a move I have like never performed in my life before this lumbago thing. My body is generally so stiff that I really do not know how to bend my knees, which is also a generating part to me getting a hurting back. It was just a matter of time.

Ok, enough with the back thing. What I was getting to is, due to my hurting back, I’ve not eaten that great since it annoys and hurts me to much to stand in the kitchen preparing food, but I plan to go back to eating a lot better as soon as I can.

The positive thing is since I made this small change in my life, when I sort of went somewhat semi-vegan, I’ve finally started to lose weight. I’ve lost several inches so far, but it’s going slow. It’s however a great thing that my belly is a bit smaller now, and this has happened pretty fast. I lose about half an inch a week, so that is good progress. I have about 10-15 inches bellyfat to lose if I can reach my goal. And eating more whole foods is really the trick! My main goal is really just to maximize my fiber intake. From basically zero to at least 25 grams of fiber per day is what I’m trying to do now. At the beginning, when I ate a lot of oats and berries for breakfast (about 10-15 grams of fiber) and a lentil stew for lunch, (at least 20 grams of fiber) and lots of veggies for dinner, I easily get 40 grams of fiber a day and that’s huge! I also wish that someday I’ll start making smoothies as well, and I try to snack on berries or dates/figs or other fiber rich foods instead of candy. But of course. I still have pizza, probably once a week and there have been a few days here and there where I eat basically nothing but candy and potato chips. And I still drink a lot of soda, Pepsi Max or other diet sodas are the go to and have been for years.

Well. Now you know I’m vegetarian. My goal is to go vegan, and I’m doing all this primarily for health reasons, even though I’m not healthy as a person at all. I have to lose weight and I have to see if there is any way to get a body that works better than it has before.

In order for this blog to get some more action, I’m starting a series of blog posts. What’s it’s gonna be called, I do not know yet. I have a lot to say regarding veganism, what the right diet is and other interesting stuff. I might even start making videos again on one of my YouTube channels, since I’ve basically not uploaded a thing in like a year to either of them, but all the thoughts in my head have to get heard, I think.

In order to improve my own health, spread the importance of veganism and lose the weight I have to to this.

I’m used to never feeling 100% well. There’s always something wrong. If it’s not muscles aching from fibromyalgia pains, or me having to use a mile worth of toilet paper a day because of my IBS problems, it’s always something.

And now I’ve taken the first steps to fix it.